Half-a-©intu®y
For ®ealz this time, today
marks (y)our man ©in the humble(d) narrator of this Take This Thing Back to
Baltimore me-moirs and half-a- ©intu®y’s half a ©intu®y’s worth of ©ameo up
on out on this Dog and Pony Show, and for various reasons – mostly be©ause it’s
a WTFednesday – he’s after hulk-smashing away at the same, ©instead of taking
up one of the neighbor’s suggestion(s) as to do What To Do Before you ®IP Before
During and After You Turn 50 - in the neighbor’s case it was sky-diving - hulk-smashing
away at this this Take This Thing Back to Baltimore me-moirs and
half-a-©intu®y, What To Do Before you ®IP is all / we gots.
Celebrating might be too /
st®ong a wo®d - ©in is solo that four-lettered wo®d today as most days, and for
various reasons, not all of them / bad ones – but stil and all it’s a beautiful
day up on out on up on out on up on out on up on out on up in here on the
Quebe© side at the(ir) M and P’s place, and though (t)his bi®thday this year
will fall as a vi©tim and third part of the 2020 Be®muda T®iangle that has seen
so far too (y)our man their Da’s ®IP in April, and the Co®onavi®us mist that
four-lettered word both, innit Mr. King, and when life that four-lettered word
gives you lemons, you make / lemonade, or in the hal©yon p®e-®egime-ze®o days,
a ‘vodka lemonade’, as the sign outside
the bar patio finished that fatuous slogan about life giving you lemons better
better if still fatuously.
That, or TANG that
four-lettered word, (y)our (wo)man TANG that powdered drink is ©in’s new BFF as
of late, all stirred up and sitting now next to him even now in its’ sweaty
pitcher be©ause hydration, seeing as that powdered lemonade – the default BFF
of folks living the ®egime ze®o lifestyle – is even more difficult to find out
here in the country than it is in gh(O)st-Town even in the best / of times, and
these are not the best / of times, and (y)our man ©in as a result buying up the
local depanneu®’s (from the French ‘depanner’, to break down, it’s the local
corner store, usually affiliated to the garage where they fix the depannage –id.)
supply of the same TANG morning noon and night, ‘we got both kinds of music
here’ the proprietress of Bob’s Country Bunker
tells John Belushi’s Jake Blues in John Landis’ film The Blues
Brothers when aksed about the same, ‘country AND western’, meaning that the
Blues Brothers band will have to countrify their usual playlist, and
fortunately the local depanneur sometimes has both kinds of TANG, orange AND
purple, the default BFF of folks living the ®egime ze®o lifestyle is all / we
gots.
And along with the
ant-covered pitcher of TANG-flavored water – its’ provenance and legend both
have something to do with being developed for NASA and our beloved astronauts,
‘you’re all’ Linda Blair’s Regan McNeil says it better to the astronaut in that
©infamous cocktail party scene in William Friedkin’s take on William Peter
Blatty’s The Exorcist, right before pissing herself, ‘going to die up
there’ – are ©in’s other usual BFFs before during and after this Pandemi© 2020,
namely not one but two laptops, the first for work that four-lettered word, the
second playing music morning noon and night, and (y)our man the
©indominium-©um-©ount®y ©at Teddie, with whom ©in spends far more time these
days than anyone or anything be©ause best / ©at ever and a living and breathing
pillow before during and after these long long nights (that’s enough –id.),
TANG-flavored water is all / we gots.
Course you gots to live / a
little, and wasn’t (y)our man ©in after pouring himself a ©old Heineken
Ze®o - f®ee ! flog, ‘he can breathe
alright’ F. Emmet Walsh’s bladerunner captain says it better in Ridley Scott’s
film of the same name, apropos a subordinate shot-gunned recently by one of the
®eplicants in that movie before during and after being aksed by the detective
to describe his (s)mother (hooker please –id.), ‘as long as you don’t unplug
him’, and ‘they’re alright’ ©in damns with faint praise the Nume®o Uno
®egime-ze®o pla©ebee® Heineken Ze®o better to who(m)ever will listen, ‘if they’re
©old, and you drink ‘em / fast’ –at lunch today, usually it’s ©offee from the
morning and / or TANG-flavored water that hydrates him these days at lunch, and
then of course a ©at nap ensued, breathing alright as long as you don’t unplug
him is all / we gots.
Otherwise you pretend as
though it’s any other day, (y)our man ©in finally able to apply his g®im that
four-lettered word prognosis that bi®thdays are to be spent as are the rest of
the days of the year, in other words either you celebrate every day as though
it were going to be your last, or you don’t, and birthdays follow that logic,
‘I’m 39 today’ he remembers saying to who(m)ever would listen, before during
and after his hal©yon p®e-®egime-ze®o days and nights and decades, and at
whatever bar he found himself that particular July 15th evening,
g®im that four-lettered word is all / we gots.
Course (y)our man ©in had
great / plans for (t)his 50th birthday - before during and after the
Scamdemi© 2020 / the Mist that four-lettered word innit Mr. King - one of life
that four-lettered word’s (that’s enough –id.) little lessons being that you
gots to design your plan that four-lettered word keeping in mind that a
pandemi© might well come through this Dog and Pony Show and make a hash of it,
which of course it / did, Kung Flu is all / we gots.
(Un)fortunately he never got
to send his e-mail ©invitations – originally it was ©intended to be a one-year
lead-up to this week, and ©inviting everyone to gh(O)st-Town’s Bluesfest
outdoor music festival, and / or to the ©indominium on their way home from the
same, and then downgraded to six-months, and then made academi© be©ause
plandemi© 2020 - one of life’s little lessons being that the same fear that
four-lettered word that prevented ©in from inviting everyone to Bluesfest a
polite year before the fact also prevented him from having to cancel the whole
damn thing impolitely be©ause ©o®onavi®us / the mist that four-lettered word,
innit Mr. King.
Course ‘everyone has a plan’
(y)our man I®on Mike Tyson knows it better, innit I®on Mike, ‘until someone
punches you in / the face’, and wasn’t (y)our man ©in the humble(d) narrator of
this Take This Thing Back to Baltimore me-moirs and half-a-©intu®y after
trying to make lemonade out of lemons late last month, sending out a message –
a very different e-mail than the one that he had (un)fortunately crafted but
never sent to damn-near everyone on his e-mail address list to come to
Bluesfest, the music festival since cancelled be©ause COVID-19 and so©ial distancing
and all that - on the ©internets (hooker please –id.), this one aksing ten (10)
of his closest friends to join him out here in the country on the Quebe© side
at the(ir) M and P Noslou©’s beautiful country home that four-lettered word.
In the ©invitation he went on
and on and on about how gau©he and awkwa®d everyone and every thing is be©ause
©OVID-19 / the Mist that four-lettered word, innit Mr. King, and that ‘I don’t
do’ - ©in should have but didn’t quote the p®otagonista of the movie-©um-Netflix
In©. mini-series Fried Green Tomatoes
(hooker please –id., oh wait, what ?) - ‘awkward’, and trying to
mitigate the same by ©inviting everyone on the list (ten was the suggested
maximum size of a group in which it might be safe that four-lettered word to congregate
in late June, that arbitray guesstimate) to come out to Luksvegas at any time,
all month, seeing as that no one ought to go anywhere lightly be©ause the COVID
mist that four-lettered word innit Mr. King, and even to stay overnight, god
forbid, innit god, ‘I’m here’ ©in begged it better in the e-©invitation, ’24 /
7’.
And then ®adio / silen©e,
other than neighbors DB and Mrs. DB, who confirmed their intention to come over
this coming week-end – (y)our man genius ba® choosing to prolong / the agony of
not knowing who / is (not) coming, all the way from today (no one, unless local
lady and saint LS takes pity on ©in later on, ‘it’s about 50 – 50’ she said it
better last night of the chances of her stopping by tonight, SL has been making
dinner for the Noslou©s for many months and years now, first for their M and
ailing P, and then for ©in and (y)our (wo)man their Ma after Da ®IP’ed in
April, innit Da, and then finally for two nights for ©in only and this month
only, before during and after (y)our (wo)man their Ma headed No®th to the
Bea©hes last week), and all the way through this coming ©inday (hooker please
–id.), the last day of his open-ended ©invitation for folks to come out here,
be©ause hound / for punishment apparently – there has been no reply at all
coming out (gh)-O(st)-Town ever since late June that four-lettered word from
anyone else on the cinfamous e-mail list.
Go(o)d times, innit go(o)d,
one / the only of life’s little lessons is that you gots to roll with the
punches, but now ©in knows why people get / ma®®ied, one of life’s little
lessons is all / we gots.
Thanks for reading this Take
This Thing Back to Baltimore me-moirs and half-a-©intu®y .
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