2023-12-02 A pai® of b®own eyes

             2023-12-02           A pai® of b®own eyes  

 

‘One summer evening drunk to hell’, (y)our man Shane MacGowan ®IP and the rest of the Pogues wail it better as we do in the(ir) dirge A Pai® of B®own Eyes, ‘ I stood there nearly lifeless’, and isn’t (y)our man ©in the humble(d) narrator of (t)his Take This Thing Back to Baltime-moi®es and A pai® of b®own eyes  after a ®ovin, a ®ovin, a ®ovin we go after the same of (t)his Saturday after before during and after it becomes another Sadu®day night and I ain’t got Nobody as we do, innit pandemi©at Stevens (hooker please, -id.), d®unk / to hell is all / we gots.

 

Course (y)our man ©in’s plan was to audee Pogues musi© mo(u)®ning (that’s enough, -id.) noon and night last week following the ®IP of (y)our (I®ish)man Ma©Gowan – the subject of a ®o©kumenta®y that (y)our man ©in was after videeing and then hulk-smashing away about in the pixels and pages of (t)his Take This Thing Back to Baltime-moi®es and A pai® of b®own eyes – who ‘made it to sixty-five, ‘(y)our man ©in proclaimed it better before during and after a wo®k zoom meeting last Thi®stday, and they never get any mor / https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/crock_of_goldor any less thi®sty be©ause ®egime ze®o, ‘god / love ‘em’, innit god, but te©h that four-lettered wo®d gets in the way as we do, and he feels terribly (un)©omfo®table streaming this immo®(t)al music on his wo®k phone be©ause monthly data limits and all / that, mo(u)®ning is all / we gots.

 

In other ®IPs of note last week, wasn’t (y)our man the ©infamous Henry Kissinger after buying / the fa®m last week as well at age 100 (MF one hundred !), ‘I managed to stay’ (y)our man ‘Enry K, said it better as part of an obituary by David Sanger in the NYT that in its’ length almost ages the reader as much as the subject, ‘un®e©onst®u©ted’ be©ause the opposite / of woke that four-lettered word, and perhaps ©oining / a ph®ase as we do, un®e©onst®u©ted is all / we gots.

 

Course in these days of ©OVID that five-lettered wo®dle, it’s all about the work / life that four-lettered word (hooker please, -id.) balan©e, and isn’t (y)our man ©in after trying / and failing to balance / the two of, videeing and hulk-smashing bunch of work e-mails earlier of (t)his Saturday after before during and after it becomes another Sadu®day Night and I Ain’t Got Nobody, from (t)his pe®ch at this Bank Street and Second Avenue B®idgehead ©afe edition up in here in O-Town - though it’s the mothe®co®p ®adio show Saturday at the Ope®a before during and after it becomes another Sadu®day Night and I Ain’t Got Nobody (that’s enough, -id.)  that he’s after audeeing in his Sony Walkman ear buds (f®ee ! flog forever ) be©ause Gilbert and Sullivan - and all of (t)his hulk-smashing taking place before during and after hulk-smashing away at (t)his Take This Thingy Ba©k to Baltime-moi®es and a pair of b®own eyes as we do, the very model of a mode®n Major General is all / we gots.

 

‘And not to mix business / with pleasu®e’, (y)our man ©in said it better yesterday of a TGIFF®iday, innit G – if an honoured house call and visit by (y)our man his ©insellor (f®ee ! flog fo®eve® be©ause a de©ade (ten years !) of ®egime ze®o, innit BJ) to the ©indominium in O-Town can be called / pleasu®e – before doing and after doing just / that as we do, going on and on and on and ‘poo® me, poo® me, pou® me / another®’ as (y)our (wo)men the(ir) fellow-sufferers shorthand it better as we do and would you like some whine with your ©heese be©asue c®awling up the twelve steps as we do, making / amends, some whine with your ©heese is all / we gots.

 

  Course if ©OVID that five—lettered wo®dle (that’s enough, -id.) has taught us nothing / else, it’s that you gots to try and fail  better - ‘try (y)our (I®ish)man the I®ish writer Samuell Beckett knew it better of life’s ®aison d’et®e as we do, ‘fail.  Try again.  Fail / better’ - to mix business / with pleasure mo(u)®ning noon and night be©ause ‘life’ (y)our (F®en©h)man the f®enchman said it better in one of the umpteen movies that (y)our man ©ion has been after videeing mou®ning noon and night be©ause ©OVID and ®egime ze®o both, the name of the character and film both of which escape him as we do, ‘is for / pleasu®e’, (y)our man ©ion is all / we gots.

 

What it is is that  - before during and after having to audee (y)our man ©in go on and on and on and would you like some ©heese with (y)our w(h)ine over the course of the last de©ade be©ause ®egime ze®o, beginning with the (il)legal poceedings and all / that and going on and on and on about his How Does It Feelings and all / that and ©rawling up the twelve steps making / amends and all / that for every two weeks for the last ten f-ing yea®s and spewing out ©in’s wo®dhole as we do, ‘shut’ (y)our man the Indian lo©al character says it better to the town bike (hooker please, -id.) in the classic immo®(t)al bit of ©anadian g®im  ®o©kumenta®y Silen©ed that (y)our man ©in was after videeing on Netflix In©. recently be©ause we live in good tech times anyway, innit G, ‘your f***hole’ – mind you not / for f®ee, (y)our man his ©insellor had had enough about audeeing how (y)our man ©in will be after fixing up / renting out / selling the ©indominium be©ause b®oke / as f^©k despite the Hallma®k movies and AB© after-school specials pontificating about how you get to be filthy / ®i©h before during and after deciding not to get d®unk as hell and nea®ly / lifeless mo(u)®ning noon and night as we do be©asue ®egime ze®o, (y)our man Flash figures a person rifles through a hundred dollars / a day before during and after going on / a bende® be©ause why / not as we do, innit Flash, and wasn’t (y)our man his ©insellor finally after deciding to make a house call to the ©indominium to see for his own self, shutting / your f***hole  is all / we gots.

 

‘It’s not as bad’ (y)our man his ©insellor said it inevitably better – ‘what’s it been’, (y)our man ©in said it better to his ©insellor before during and after saying / their good-byes at the end of (t)his home / ©invasion (hooker please, -id., these people are trying / to help), ‘four / years ?’ be©asue ©OVID that five-lettered wo®dle and remote / healing and all / that, and (y)our man ©in foregoing zoom that four-lettered wo®d video meetings and all / that be©asue fifty shades / of g(®)ay in favor of telephone-healing, ‘everyone’, (y)our man ©in tries / and fails to mansplain his irrational hatred of zoom meetings, ‘gesticulates’, ‘are you’ (y)our man ©in wants to aks these fidgety folks, ‘well ?’ before during and after minimizing the Zoom and TEAMS windows on the computer be©asue the last thing that any wage slave ever / wants is to have ©ubi©ombs ©olleagues from wo®k that four-lettered wo®d at the(ir) homes, even in avata® fo®m be©asue separation of church / and state – as we do, before during and after videeing the state of the ©indominium after thirteen years of occupation featuring (y)our man ©in the humble(d) narrator of (t)his Take This Thingy Ba©k to Baltime-moi®es and a pai® of b®own eyes and (y)our men the pandemi©ats Henry Kissinger and Shane MacGowan, as well as the various generations of fish who have populated and perished in the ©inqua®ium be©asue wate®y / grave, ‘as I thought’, fifty shades of g(®)ay (hooker please, -id.) is all / we gots.  

 

Before during and after swearing – ‘your only as healthy’ goes the first part of one of the(ir) fellow-sufferers’ favorite slogans has it better, and this one happens to be / t®ue, ‘as (y)our secrets’  - up / and down to (y)our man his ©insellor that he would be after confirming the location of the mysterious storage locker that comes as part of the deal with the ©indominium ‘before / ©h®istmas’, in the ultimate aim of fixing up / the ©indominium, and then renting and / or selling it be©asue sma®t move, it was off to that Sta®bu©ks on Albert Street that (y)our man ©in was headed be©ause Sta®bu©ks ®e©ove®y up in here and  DEF©OM Two up on out on up on out on up on out on up on out on up on out on up in the ©indomimimnium be©ause no MF ©offee yesterday be©ause living in two provinces at once is no picnic and sometimes we / forget, followed by left-over pizza lunch followed by a nap in the ©indominium because a©tion-pa©ked as we do be©asue go(o)d times in the ©indominium of a TGIFF®iday after, innit G.  , and then off to videe this movie Raging G®a©e during a rare visit to the St. Laurent mall ©inestarz theatre, and getting a GD ‘senior’s discount’ for the first but surely not / the last time be©asue why / not  and old / as f*©&, and where DEF©ON one, (y)our man Dabney ©oleman (hooker please, -id., oh wait, what ?) mansplains the same to Ferris Bueller in that immo®(t)al movie Wargames from back in the 20^th, ‘means ‘thermonu©lear / wa®’’,  Sta®bu©ks ®e©ove®y is all / we gots.

 

What it is in Raging G®a©e is that (y)our (wo)man the eponymous elevenquarantweenscreamqueen protagonist(a) of the same is after playing / the fool as we do with the B®exit MoFos who engage Grace and her Philipina Moms as ‘maids’ in the(ir) ‘five-generation deep ‘ townhouse in Oxb®idge Square or wherever it is that these English mummies live be©asue white man bu®den, ‘look at these mummies’ (y)our man Al Pacino as Scarface says it better in the ©infamous ©ount®y ©lub dining room scene of the immo®(t)al Brian de Palma film of the same name and apropos the WASPs stuffing food into their f^©*holes up in there be©asue white privilege, ‘a bun©h / of assholes’, immo®(t)al is all / we gots.

 

Thank you for reading (t)his Take This Thing Back to Baltime-moi®es and a pair of b®own eyes