‘Would you like’ the secret service manager for (t)his train aksed it better of (y)our man ©in the humble(d) narrator of (t)his Take This Thing Back to Balti-memoires and Boobie Time before during and after as he boarded the To®onto Express (oh please hooker -id.) from O-Town ‘some extra / room?’, some extra / room is all / we gots.
‘Sure’ your man ©in replied and before during and after videeing some boobie time of his fellow travellers - a la Harvey Keitel’s Bad Lieutenant in Abel Ferrar’s immor(t)al movie of the same name when LT comes across the double-homicide in Bryant Park and videes admiringly the lifeless chest of the woman driver, ‘it’s’ LT will say of the same in the next scene when aksed / the same, ‘terrible’ – terrible is all / we gots.
Course everything in this world – ‘and there is no other world’ Sean Penn Sergeant says it better to a misbehaving Jim Cavallies (oh please hooker -id., it’s JC anyway, this actor played JC on and off his cross in Mel Gibson’s The Passion of the Christ, innit Electrified JC) in Terence Malick’s The Thin Red Line, ‘than / this one’, no other world than this one is all / we gots - has / is its price, and VIA ®ail’s price for extra space is that in case of eme®gency, it’s your man ©in who will be after hulk-smashing out the train car window, with what looks like a jewelller’s hammer currently cased to the window frame even now, and the tear-away cushion of the seat in front of him.
Good times, course Cin has hulk-smashed away less / with more, and more / with less, hulk-smashing away less / with more, and more / with less is all / we gots. His favorite so far is that driver-side car window in NYC that he tried to smash into / smithereens with his closed fist, with little to show for it but the usual bloodied knuckles, because unholy ®age and far too little boobie time, far too little boobie time is all we gots.
Apparently, mind, there are two windows on this To®onto Express – ‘a buck’ Cin humble-bragged the price of the same better to whove® / would listen, ‘twenty five’, a hundred and twenty-five dollars for a one-stop / four hour trip to the Big Stink – that he and his fellow quad occupant across the aisle will have to hulk-smash in case of eme®gency, ‘if an attendant doesn’t let you know which window to hulk-smash’, your man the VIA ®ail attendant said it better as he reeled out / cinstructions earlier, ‘hulk-smash out the window on the side of the train / with no tracks,’ only of course it wasn’t ‘hulk-smash’, but ‘break’, and this bit about the side with no tracks surely some vintage railroad In Case of Eme®gency / humour, some vintage railroad in Case of Eme®gency / humour is all / we gots.
It’s scrubby landscape on the way so far from O-town to The Big Stink aka Cabbagetown aka TO aka Toronto, we passed a car lot with no end of rusting and rusted out vehicles with hoods and trunks popped, their chasses (chassis plural ? -id.) holding up or down one or the other end of what appear to be used car teeter-totte®s, because easier access.
Here’s Smit’s Crossing – ‘Winnifred Street’ runs alongside and perpendicular to (that’s redundant, dunce -id.) the railway, innit It, ‘is that a Winnie’, Scatman Crothers’ Dick Halloran akses it better of Shelley Duvall’s Wendy Torrence in Kubrick’s take on your The Shining, innit Mr. King, ‘or / a Freddie ?’ – and not much better so far than that aforementioned used ©ar cemetery, ‘you’re in the asshole’, the G.I. / grunt says it better to Martin Sheen’s Captain Willard in Coppola’s Apocalypse Now, upon their arrival in Cambodia, ‘of the world, Captain’, in the asshole of the world is all / we gots.
And again – ‘here we go’ William Murderface, bass player of cinfamous Adult Swim network cartoon Metalocalypse and Death Metal band Deth©lok says it better ‘again’ - with the free / ©offee, this one from a comely VIA ®ail attendant working / the aisles. Course it used to be f®ee booze that he would be after cinhaling when he was after travelling with the ©ommander on an air flight, innit ©ommander, but free ©offee it will have / to be now, ‘for ever’ the Grady twins in The Shining say it better, and of course in tandem because Regime Zero, ‘and ever / and ever’, for ever / and ever / and ever is all / we gots.
Good times – and f®ee flog, good (f®ee) VIA ®ail coffee - travel by / train by far the most civilized of all of the travel / bys, and economical to boot, and this train car surprisingly and pleasantly sparsely populated of a TGIFFriday after, innit G. What it is is that you gets to videe up-close the parts of towns what’s not on / the internet when you travel by train, getting to videe up-close the parts of towns what’s not on / the internet is all / we gots, and the ®aison d’etre of this Take This Thing Back to Baltimore me-moirs and boobie time .
It’s a pleasantly sparsely populated train car, speeding across a pleasantly sparsely populated province, and a pleasantly sparsely populated country, really, twenty minutes by train from the O-town train station and in the middle now / of nowhere, replete with the occasional farm house and ©emetery, your man the VIA ®ail ©hoo-©hoo train speeding south and west, towards the Big Stink, and the unfolding sunset both.
Course it’s a little distracting, when you’re after hulk-smashing away at this Take This Thing Back to Baltimore me-moirs and boobie time and meanwhile there’s no end of boobie time and sunsets to knock your eyes off / the p®ize, no end of boobie time and sunsets to knock your eyes off / the p®ize is all / we gots. To make up for it, as is his wont, your humble / humbled / humiliated narrato® will add another five-minute cincrement or five to this current shift of the same, your man ZTE the cellphone reminding ©in how, why and when to quit, and then in five minute cintervals afterwards up to twenty-five minutes, repeating its buzzing and Pachabel’s ©anon ad nauseum, in five minute cintervals afterwards, repeating its buzzing and Pachabel’s ©anon ad nauseum is all / we gots.
Here’s the attendant signal light, similar to the one used by the Shia LeBouef character – ‘not a hunk’ Homer J. Simpson says it better of the same and / or of his choices of film characters, ‘not nerdy - Shia Lebouef ! ‘ – in the film that Cin was after videeing last night, as always a Thirstday evening – and they never ge any / more or any / less thirsty - otherwise spent tossing / and turning, as always a thirsty Thirstday evening otherwise spent tossing / and turning is all / we gots. ‘Everyone Wants to Kill Shia Lebouef’ it was titled, this film, or it might have well / have been, your man Shia Lebouef likes his film roles aggravating, ‘he’s really specializing’ Martin Sheen’s Captain Willard says it better in Apocalypse Now to the Chief of the boat, of Lawrence Fishburne’s young marine and fellow-traveller, ‘in breaking / my balls’, to which the Chief of course succinctly replies that ‘it’s quite possible, Captain’, that he thinks the same / of you.’
‘Cab driver’ Cin texted it better last Thi®stday night (you mean yesterday, ®ainman ? -id.) on his way home, ‘is / a maniac’, and he was, to which your man I®on Man, from whose condominium Cin was after leaving, replied, ‘funny he texted the same / thing’ and then for good measure, ‘passenger is / a maniac’, to which Cin ended the whole thing when he texted – from the very back of the cab where this whole thing was unfolding - ‘and / he’s right’, ending the whole thing and / he’s right is all / we gots.
Apparently we are following ‘a freight train’ into Kingston, thus / the delay, according to the nice se®vice manager lady who gave Cin his very own ‘quad’, audeed on the cintercom now, not nearly enough of a delay for a dart, mind, making the next two hours the l o n g e s t t w o h o u r s e v e r , the l o n g e s t t w o h o u r s e v e r is all / we gots.
Not only that, dear fellow-passengers, but from the looks and sounds of it we will be after following this ‘freight train’ – the VIA ®ail porters of human-bearing trains must loathe their freight-bearing cousins, and vice / verca - for the foreseeable future, making this leisurely rail crawl through Kingston all the more / so.
Course the city of Kingston has many many memories for Cin to mine during the course of this Take This Thing Back to Baltimore me-moirs and minefield and to cinsider as Train 6474 meanders its way through the less publicized parts / of town, Kings Town surely the origin story of the name.
It was here in Kingston where, at the University of Q, he cinsumed his first Pu®ple Jesus, many moons and decades ago, innit Elect®ified JC, the cinfamous cincoction (‘concoction’ cintaxed and / or as it How Does It Feelingss to Cin -id.) made up of 100 % Al©ohol – he kids you not, it was called ‘alcool’ and boy, was it potent, he blames everything from here on in / on al©ool - mixed with Grape Juice, haha good times the o®iginal ®ock Star energy drink.
Cin was after visiting the University of Q campus at the time with your man MA, his BFF in high school before BFFs existed innit LOL, and staying with MA’s sister MN (that’s enough -id. haven’t you seen the inside of enough / courtrooms already ?), and scoping out the college where, if you were a betting (wo)man, you would have predicted Cin spending the next four years (try five and a half, Blukowski -id.) getting edumucated.
Course that whole scenario was not meant / to be. Cinstead, after graduation from high school ©in went South for School, returning to Kingston and the University of Q campus only sporadically over the next thirty years, though the first time was only months after high school graduation, during which trip he cinhaled all manner and volume of substances, because unholy ®age.
It is sort of funny / brutally alarming what a person remembers, and / why. Afflicted by some / all of the affe©tations that would follow him before during and after the time of his life when he was after Going South for S©hool, ©in carried on during that first visit to the University of Q campus in Kingston - it was his and his friends’, many of whom were attending the College as students now, first Fall out of high school, and for most of them the first Fall out / their parents’ house – pinching tobacco under his lip, going on and on, and pending the night / in jail for failing to provide identification because unwilling / unable to pay fine for drinking / in public, spending the night / in jail because unwilling / unable to pay fine for drinking / in public is all / we gots.
Thank you for reading (t)his Take This Thing Back to Balti-memoires and boobie time.
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