3/30/2024 Easte®
And some days and despite the beauty it’s all / mono©h®omo
up on out on up on out on
up on out on up on out on up in here, and things / is g®ey, though a little
Joseph Haydn might enliven / the p®o©eedings as we do, mono©ome is all / we
gots.
What it is of
(t)his Easte® Saturday after before during and after it becomes Another
Sadu®day Night and I Ain’t Got Nobody is that a pe®son looks back on the last
few Saturday afters before during and after they become Another Sadu®day Night
and I Ain’t Got Nobody, and is none too / impressed be©ause (t)his wild ©ount®y
life that four-lettered word (hooky please, -id., we get it, it’s a g®ey day,
even despite / the beauty).
Last week at
this time it was on the way to a very tasteful Lamb dinner across the Ottawa
river from here on the Onta®ia®ia®ia®ia®ia®o side that (y)our man ©in the
humble(d) narrator of (t)his Take This Thing Back to Balti-memoi®es and
Easte® and the(ir) Ma Noslou© and pandemi© housemate were headed, by way of the
Quyon ferry on the Quebe© side, which normally transports (y)our man ©in and
his faithful if recently-damaged-by-dee® stead Don’t Let the Suba®u Fool You
over to the Onta®ia®ia®ia®ia®ia®o side on the workweek days, reduced in (t)his
time of COVID and post-COVID that five-lettered wo®dle to two days a week,
thank god, and even that is about two days / too many these days innit god be©ause
things at wo®k that four-lettered word going as we do from ‘he’s broken’, Brian
Cox’s middle (wo)management suit in one of the Bou®ne franchise movies says it
better and apropos (y)our man J. Bourne, ‘we / b®oke him’ to ‘I like you, I
kill you / last’ to ‘when I am king’ (y)our man Thom Yorke and the rest of
®adiohead sing it better, ‘you will be first against / the wall’, though these
dynamics if it’s any ©onsolation – and it isn’t – is a two-way street these
days, with (y)our man ©in sometimes holding the upper hand be©ause ®e©altit®ant
and stubborn as / a mule and last (wo)man / standing as we do, ‘John Doe’,
Morgan Freeman’s Detective Some®set says it better in David Fincher’s Seven,
before during and after playing ja©k-in-the-Box with his partner’s wife’s
pretty little head in the truly shocking and ballsy eleven o’clock number of
that film, ‘has the upper hand’, and though we all know the punchline of these
songs, ‘I fought the law’ (y)our man (in bla©k) J. Cash and the ©lash both sing
it better, innit ©ash, ‘and the law / won’, and ‘I fight autho®ity’ (y)our man
J. Couga® Mellen©amp sings it better in his dirge of the same name, ‘autho®ity
always / wins’, a g®ey day, even despite / the beauty is all / we gots, ‘ a
heart that’s full up like / a landfill’, (y)our men Thom Yorke and the rest of
Radiohead sing it better in their dirge No Alarms, ‘a job that slowly
kills / you, bruises that won’t heal’.
Course even
before during and after last week’s ferry crossing of a Saturday after before
during and after it becomes Another Sadurday Night and I Ain’t Got Nobody there
was tailgating / galo®e, just like there is before during and after a work day
ferry crossing- hu(wo)manity’s only / chance that six-letter wo®dle®, (y)our
man ©in sees this now daily be©ause ‘trust (y)our eyes’, (y)our man J© preached
it better, innit Ele©t®ified J©, or at least the go(o)d line comes from his
Go(o)d Book anyway, ‘more than / (y)our ears’ – is if we all throw our car keys
off the Champlain B®idge tomorrow and take / the bus ‘, or god forbid walk,
innit god.
There is not a workday or any day of the week with
‘day’ in it’s commute-by-d®ive that (y)our man ©in does not witness homi©idal
tailgating on the ©ount®y (!) ®oads up on out on up on out on up on out on up
on out on up in here and in Onta®ia®ia®ia®ia®o both – ‘I called / the company’, as we do,
(y)our man(ia©) ©in delivered the pun©hline to yet another tail-gating sto®y
from last week, (t)his one a t®ue sto®y be©ause we no longer need to imagine
the End(ing) be©ause it’s already / he®e and t®ust / (y)our eyes more than /
(y)our ears, and involving that day’s Speedy Gonzalez involved in what ©in
thought was a chase between Mario And®etti driving his wo®k ©ube van (!) on the
Onta®ia®ia®ia®io side at vehi©ula® manslaughter® speeds and the pick-up truck
in front of him, and the both of them passing two-at-a-time whatever vehicles
stood in the(ir) way on the two-lane Dun®obin ®oad, and the whole thing ©in
though surely to end in a fie®y ©®ash, though this t®ue ©®ime sto®y like many
before it and many after ended more ambiguously before during and after
(y)our man ©in and his faithful stead
Don’t Let the Suba®u Fool You ®ossed . the ferry ten minutes later (and before
during and after (y)our man ©in was
after done calling the speed f®eak’s company line be©ause it’s on the side of
the f-ing t®uck Einstein and How’s / My D®iving ? and leaving / a message as we do be©ause it’s surely ‘not /
a good / look’, as (y)our man ©in, who’s driven about a million miles and about
five hundred thousand / too many up in here ends / his voicemail messages
be©ause kill everyone in (y)our own / t®u©k) and before during and after (y)our
men Jacques and Gilles Villeneuve in their pick-up and company cube van got off
the ferry on the Quebe© side first off / the boat, unbeknownst / to (y)our man
©in, and then, pulling into the gas station at the end of Ferry Road on the
Quebec side, and instead of fighting
each other to / the death be©ause psy©hoti©, turned out to be besties ! and likely therefore to have been driving at
a buck forty on the eighty kilometers per hour maximum Dunrobin Road only minutes before (and the lesson here
people is that eighty cli©ks per hour is already insanely fast under any
circumstances, especially if it avoids my fist and (y)our face (hooker please
-id.)) in order to get the ferry on the Onta®ia®ia®io side before it departed
for Quebe©, though the return-trip delay is only twenty minutes long if you
miss it, and the i®ony of these two Dukes of Hazza®d being besties changed the
entirety of the story to that point, but which does not forgive any of the
speeding and pys©hoti© d®iving that came before in (y)our man’s ‘Electrical
Engineering’ work truck, ‘and told then that it’s not a good / look’ - be©ause
‘sui©ide’ (y)our man the Boss Sp®insgsteen sings it better and apropos / the
same in his anthem Bo®n / to ®un (?), ‘ma©hines’, ‘eve®yone’s’ (y)our man
©included his sto®y as we do, but not before during and after goggling
‘psy©hoti© d®iving’ on ®eddit on the ferry ride / over be©ause obsessed (no
shit She®lo©k, -id.), and paraphrasing one of the results, not / w®ongly,
‘b®oke(n),’ him(self) not least / of all,
hu(wo)manity’s only / chance is all / we gots.
Or the week
before last, which involved (y)our man ©in, his pandemi© housemate the(ir) Ma
Noslou© and their local ©ount®y ‘gua®dian angel’ H®isSue – so-called to her fa©e
be©ause ©ount®y, though this is not the answer that she is looking for be©ause
stu©k / on ©in – attending both a local long-hair ba®o©que music conce®to Pontia©
En©hante, held as we do at the local Farm formerly known as Fa®m of the
Mountain, followed by a Moliere play Le Misanth®ope starring an actress
and summer guest from The Bea©hes, the play staged in the further reaches of
downtown nearby Gatineau on the Quebe© side, and which ended in the Audi’s car
fob going AWOL again, and necessitating at eleven PM a call to a local Gatineau
taxi company, followed by an immediate trip back from Luksvegas to the Audi
featuring (y)our man ©in and the second / eme®gen©y Audi car fob, seeing as you
have to pay the taxi driver for the return trip anyway as (s)he will otherwise
surely have no fares at that hour in the ©ount®y from Luksvegas, it’s a
two-hundred dollar o®deal plus the hundred dollar tip for the young taxi driver
somehow involved in (t)his midnight ja©kpot of a Saturday evening well before
during and after it’s become Another Sadurday Night and I Ain’t Got Nobody,
eme®gen©y is all / we gots.
Course the
last time that we had to take a taxi all the way back to Luksvegas from that distant
part of Gatineau – ‘©racktown’, (y)our man Homer J. Simpson as always calls it
better, ‘and not / the nice part’ - was back in the hal©yon p®e-®egime ze®o
days and nights and de©ades, innit perfesser, when before during and after
running over / a median outside of Pigale’s in the Golden Jet, the 20th
century’s predecessor to the(ir) current faithful stead Don’t Let the Suba®u
Fool You, (y)our man ©in and his two passengers – you and the giant
accompanying you all the way from Baltimore for a week-long Viking Wa® Hall
trip – elected to hail / a cab for that Mont ®oyal Fo®mula One Grand Prix trip
back to Luksvegas over the Notch and Mountain ®oad be©asue d®unk / as skunks
and Kings of the ®oad and Wo®ld both back then, ‘I thought she was sticking
around’, (y)our man the giant said it better before during and after we left
him in downtown O-Town for the night, and not / the nice part, be©ause a giant, and apropos the stripper now
demanding her wages when we found him the next day at Pigale, accompanied as we
do by Club bouncer F®ank Stallone, fils de Sylveste®, he kids you / not, ‘for
my company’, Kings of the Wo®ld is all / we gots.
(T)his kind /
of thing plays out more than a little g(®)ay thirty years later, of course, and
the trip to Pigale two week-ends ago only involved (y)our man ©in solo that
four-lettered word as we do, taking / advantage of the proximity to ©lub Pigale
that late late Saturday Night before during and after returning to Gatineau to
bring the Audi home with the eme®gen©y fob – the original fob found the next
day of course in the engine block, somehow despite the proximity not allowing
the car / to start the night before be©ause ain’t te©hnology / g®and – and
advising (y)our (wo)man the(ir) Ma Noslou© ‘not to wait / up’ be©ause the
(w)hole (s) / (b) / (m) / (gl) and just plain / adventure only getting ®amped
up at midnight, though the clock in the taxi said eleven PM, which gave ©in the
impetus to set it all / in motion, and though stay up / she did, ‘where are
you’ the voicemail left at 2h30 the next morning aksed it better, minutes
before during and after (y)our man ©in, to be fair for the first and hopefully
last time, saw ©losing Time at Pigale at 3 AM, and which is the same at ©lsong
Time anywhere at 3 AM, which is to say fugly, (s) / (b) / (m) / (gl) and just
plain / adventures is all / we gots.
Thank you for
reading (t)his Take This Thing Back to Balti-memoi®es and Easte®.
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