2014-11-18
Haha
good times, 'six goats' Flash's slogan has it better, 'for seven / glories'
Cinstead
it's Dr. No horroredux, only as a punishment for this horroreviewer for
falling prey to Dr. Sleep, it's the Extra Features of the DVD, namely the Audio
Commentary with everone and their brother going on and on and on as James Bond
cavorts with one lovely after / another.
Unless Cin's heritage disallows him from hearing these affected and
pickled English people correctly be©ause his I®ish / up, this was the first
Bond film and therefore of certain historical / value. When oh when will do the Audio Commentary
track for Nundercover, innit Cash.
'Hurly',
Mike Leigh titled his movie having to do with the relative cinterest to be
found in the comings haha and goings of theatrical / people better,
'Burly'. It was a good movie, 'it all
came down' Cin's Da said it better if unrelatedly, of a long-ago small claims
lawsuit, which involved a small forestry oncern to which he had been a party,
'to who was sleeping / with who.'
This
Extras bit of Dr. No on the other hand, as they tend / to be, is a cinvitation
/ to verbal diarhea. Of all of the
people involved in this talking, most swear up and down that either 1. author
Ian Fleming was the model for his own creation, James Bond, or 2. the director
of this film was the model. Apparently
both of these theories involve one or the other of the men - the 'template' the
talkers prefer to call this real-life version of 007 - had similar (b) / (s) /
(m) adventures to the author and / or director, namely sleeping with every
white broad in Jamaica, and a couple of locals to boot, blowing up every
free-standing structure on the same, and then foiling and killing the maniacal
one-time Treasurer, now rogue, of SPECTRE, aka Special something something
Extortion something Revenge something something Criminal something something,
aka Dr. No. Cin has had until of late a
fairly busy life, but no one could ever accuse him of being the template for
James Bond, and surely Ian Fleming and the director of this film would say /
the same, 'if my writers could get women' Krusty the Klown has it better on The
Simpsons' episode, 'they wouldn't / be writers.'
'He was
then' one of the Bond girl lovelies says it better of your man Sean Connery,
who plays of course James Bond, 'very / handsome', either not noticing the
'then' in her judgement as a back-handed compliment at best, or not /
caring. There's a good five minutes'
introduction / run-up to for the appearance of the original Bond girl, Ursula
Andress, including Ursula herself, 'all I had to do was stand there, and hold /
a shell', it goes on like this for some time until the fappening, this may now
be punishment enough.
Course
it's very un-Bond to bad-mouth a bunch of audio commentators who by now must
surely be geriatric - 'that's very un-Dude of you,' John Goodmand's Walter says
it better to Jeff Bridges' the Dude, aka the Big Lebowski, in the Coen
Brothers' movie of the same name, 'Dude' - but when John Derek makes a cameo
with his latest teen-age bride Ursula Andress, before / during or after of
course his impreseario of a marriage with Bo Derek, it's time / to switch off
Tosh the TV set, 'I did time' Michael Williamson's bank-robber / driver
character says it better in Michael Mann's Heat, of his crooked manager,
'for what that mother-fucker does / every day.'
Easier
hulk-smashed / than done, innit Tosh, your cousin Tosh the laptop has just
advised Cin of his delinquent account with the wireless internet service
provider, this despite a payment made this after to / the same, and so out of
pure recalcitrance and spite - and of course most important and more alarmingly
his total cinability to work in any kind / of silence or sans / distraction -
Cin will let the film's Extra feature run / its course, everyone involved in
the making of the film was amazing, the best in / the business, it's astounding
that geriatrics would be concerned at their age about fluffing up the rest of
the cast and crew, until of course one of them dares to shatter the idea that
the director is the living embodiment of James Bond his own self, 'he was like'
the man says it better of the director on the Extras soundtrack, forgetting
himself or having a refreshingly honest moment amongst these Hurly Burly-types,
'a troll, he was like / Napoleon', 'if you've seen as many schizophrenics as I
have', Jason Miller's Father Damien Karis says it better in WIlliam Friedkin take
on William Peter Blatty's The
Exorcist to Ellen Burstyn's Chris Mcneil, of daughter Regan and the various
©aptain Howdies who are making Regan go coo-coo for coa-coa puffs, particularly
the one who claims to be the Devil himself, 'you'll know that that's the same
as saying that you're Napoleon / Bonaparte', it's a line that works though one
that Cin has yet / to figure out, a line that works though one that Cin has yet
/ to figure out is all / he gots.
'He was
an honest man' the director, Trevor something something - undoubtedly like all
of these limeys a lord or duchess or whatnot - finally makes a post-mortem
interview appearance from the grave in this Extras bit, damning your man Sean
Connery with faint / praise, 'a little too / honest.' Course your man Sean Connery is nowhere / to
be found - though most of us would show up from a sense of gratitude, to be
fair it must be a risk to show up to help out the very people who launched /
your career - and truth be told Cin falls on the Roger Moore divide of the
perennial Who's the Best James Bond / the Parlor Game. Moore always seems less why-so-serious than
Connery - though Connery of course is the rare actor who says 'to hell with it'
when offered the latest Bond role, which let's be honest are parts of
entertaining films, but whose third acts are cinevitably / absurd, 'this final
scene' the musical director says it better of Dr. No but which can cover 90 %
of all the Bond films, 'where Sean and Ursula are floating / on the small boat'
- and still went on to make a career of acting other / roles, cincluding the
role of Brother William of Baskerville in Jean-Jacques Annaud's immortal take
on Umerto Eco's The Name of the Rose, an unjustly unheralded classic as
far as this horroreviewer is / cincerned, making entertaininments whose third
acts are cinevitably / absurd but still going on on to make a career of other /
roles is all / we gots.
That
and / or, and / or in cinjunction with You Only Live / Twice, innit
Electrified JC, or at least we both better / hope so. Yes Her Majesty's Government, Bond's - and
Cin's - employer has not yet done / with either, 'why do Chinese girls taste
different' Connery's Bond akses his latest lay better in this film, 'from every
other / girl, like Pecking / ducks?' 'My
darling' the geisha replies as she must, perhaps these films haven't aged so
well / after all, 'I give you / good duck.'
'At least he died happy' the Hong Kong police says it better upon
discovering Bond dead, for all intents and purposes from the looks of it, post
flagrente-delecto - thus the title and premise of the film, spoiler alert it
takes more than a geisha to kill / 007 - 'he would have wanted it / this way.'
Surely a better double-entendred
®IP would have served James Bond better than this one, the premise of a false
death and funeral at sea - 'when the sea' the Navy captain says it better, it's
boiler plate for navy deaths, but a good line, 'shall give up / her dead' -
reminds CIn of that faux-funeral that was held for J Mac, innit Cash, when a
coffin was constructed for your man and a wake held in the dormroom suite,
during which honours and speeches were showered upon the dearly departed,
before at 12 midnight the Bee Gees' started singing 'Stayin' Alive', and out /
leapt your man J Mac from his coffin, innit Electrified JC, another soul not
yet yours / to harvest before giving up / your dead.
'You
forget' James says it better to your wo(man) Miss Moneypenny, after she flings
a book of 'instant Japanese' his way following the inevitable James-meets-Q to
get dressed-down and then plays grab-ass with Moneypenny, "I took a first
in Oriental languages / at Cambridge,' either Connery - as a student off-screen
of far less means and pretension than having been firsted (fisted ? -id.) at Oxbridge
- is paid enough to swallow having to drop lines like this, or he no longer /
cares.
What it
is is that James is 'assupposed to go incognito, after his recent faux-passing
away, into the depths of the Japanese triads of the time. 'I'm about as anonymous' Cin said it worse
upon his release from the local dungeon some time ago, and upon learning the
cinditions / of his release, one of which was of course going cincognito during
mandatory attendance at the meetings of the group with the double-barrelled
acronym, the first of which / is the aforementioned adjective - 'as Keith /
Richards.'
Haha
good times, awful / line, good times and awful / lines is all / we gots, the
flip side to awful times and good / lines, ‘good / life’ someone noticed it
better, ‘bad / a®t’, rarely do all four cincronize in any kind of way that
makes / sense. As of late and partly as
a result of having his morning bus route end at at the 'University' stop and
therefore videeing the goofy undergraduates and / or yes the doe-eyed co-eds on
their way / to class and haha a better / future - 'they're all wearing' Cin
said it better to a colleague after noticing the undergraduates' recent
sartorial / choices, 'suits' - Cin has noticed that everone and their asshole
is getting an MA, on principle, and Cin may well do / the same, though of
course as a result of his various (b) / (s) / (m) and just plain / adventures
before during and after the course of hulk-smashing away at this Take This
Thang Back to Baltimore flog and horroreview, he already possesses the
proverbial 'PhD / in Pain.'
Thanks
for reading this Take This Thang Back to Baltimore flog and horroreview
.
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