2014-11-28 I call it / Hades.

2014-11-28          I call it / Hades.                

               

                'Some folks call it Hell' Billy Bob Thornton's Slingblade mutters it better in his film of the same name, 'I call it / Hades'.  'Definitions!' we used to answer the phone at that gym of the same name in New Ja©k ©ity baby, innit perfesser, it was by far the best greeting of the many that (y)our man ©in the humble(d) narrator of this Take This Thing Back to Baltimore me-moirs and I call it / Hades has had to employ over the years, answering the phone tens of thousands of times on behalf of his many / employers, and the very definition / of insanity is to repeat the same sequence of events over and over and over and over and over and over and over (that's enough -id) - expecting a different / ®esult - the very definition / of ©insanity is all / we gots.

                Yes dear reader Cin was 'To Yourself', the commemorative coin from the Ten Year (Day -id.) ®egime ze®o Parts I and II - which Cin has misplaced though 'I don't' as his fellow-sufferer in the same said it better, before during and after recounting a ©intermniable series of (s) / (m) / (b) / (mis) / and just plain / adventures that would turn normal mortals hair / white upon hearing, 'lose any sleep / over it' - cinstructs him / better, 'Be True.'  Though such advi©e is often ridiculed, as when coming out the mouth of father Polonius to (step ?) son Hamlet in the Shakespeare play of the same name from back in the 16^th, still and all, before during and after checking out the on-line schedule of the European Film Festival playing down / the street from here (twelve minutes, 2 smokes if the light on the corner / is red -id.), this after, off Cin went after work that four-lettered wo®d, to the ©inadian (hooker please –id.) National Lib®ary and A®chives to be after videeing the Swedish entry, 'Force Majeure' be©ause addictive per©inality and currently addicted to videeing movies morning noon and night, the ©inadian National Lib®ary and A®chives is all / we gots.

                'Momma said' LL Cool J sang it better in his song of the same name, 'knock / you out', and though Cin has taken that advice to heart – ‘I did so much ©o©aine that I can’t even sneeze / anymore’ (y)our man Shia LaBouef says it better, playing his own Da in that ®ockumentary of their life, ‘I went on black-out benders’, and here the viewer nods off, until the pun©h-line, ‘and woke up a sex / offende®’ - and more / than once, the more germane advice for this edition of this Take This Thing Back to Baltimore me-moirs and I call it / Hades is from everone's proverbial grandmother, namely 'if you can't say nothing nice about nobody, don't say anything / at all.'  Course the umpteen editions and pages and pixels of this Take This Thing Back to Baltimore me-moirs and I call it / Hades say otherwise, but still and all ©in the humble(d)_ narrator of the same tries to take that advice to heart, though at the same time he cincerely doubts that either of his grandmothers - an Irish matriarch with 43 grandchildren, and a WASP one, with 5, the two like the neighbors in Monty Python's The Meaning of Life comparing notes with their husbands on birth / control, the Irish mother popping out another child even as she does / the dishes ( 'linen Irish' the back-handed compliment given to (y)our people the shanty I®ish who nevertheless clean the dishes in the sink before during and after pissing / in it ) as opposed to the WASP lady across the street who akses her husband whether every time they've done it like they do on the Dis©ove®y ©hannel, a child is the result, and then doing the math figures out on her own that it's true, portraits of her two children backing up / the point – would (dis)approve, doing it like they do on the Dis©ove®y ©hannel is all / we gots.               

Good times, we'll discuss the premise of the film and then leave it / at that, also 'we're going to make' - What Would Jack Say as Jack Torrence in Kubrick’s take on your The Shining, innit Mr. King - 'a new rule', namely never take a seat in the theatre 'that you cannot walk away from' de Niro's Neal McAuley relays the jailyard wisdom better in Michael Mann's immo®(t)al movie Heat 'in ten seconds flat, if you feel the heat coming around / the corner', even it means sitting on the floor, which it would have meant this evening, these Scandiavian films for reasons cinexpicable to him are SRO / Standing Room only in a large-enough (200 seats ?) auditorium up the street in O-Town at the Canadian (better –id.) National Library and Archives.

                Course in his regular seat he was next to an Irish lady with an impressive busom – ‘dirty’ Carrie’s mom says it better apropos the same in the de Palma take on your novel of the same name, innit Mr. King, ‘pillows’ - visible only after the movie was over and Cin saw her standing up at the cinevitable 'party' held by the Swedish Embassy after the movie as Cin rushed / to the exit, standing around as everone gets licquored up and jui©y before during and after going off to make the beast with two ba©ks (that’s enough –id.) is of course off-limits during ®egime Ze®o.   Cin knew she was Irish because she was friendly, and mentioned her husband within the first minute / of cinversation in that charming lilt - ‘and what can we infer’ Sean Bean’s mercenary character akses it better of Natasha McIlhone ‘s (?) presumable ex-I®A mercenary in John Frankenheimer’s (hooker please –id., oh wait, what ?) under-rated film ®onin, ‘from that charming lilt / of yours ?’, to which McIlhone’s character, who gets a ®oad-head scene with Robert de Niro’s (ex)-©IA agent in that film in a parked / car be©ause #MeowToo - (not) mentioning your husband within the first minute / of cinversation is all / we gots.

                'A long long time ago,' George Lucas' Star Wars starts it better, 'in  a galaxy far far away', Cin took a test to see where his talents / might lie, and the final result for occupation was 'diplomat', and under different cincumstances, he might have stuck around after the movie to chat up the Irish lady and the Swedish Ambassador and the various hot Swedes milling around / the National Library, but these are not different cincumstances, 'in another world you might be right' Sean Penn's Sergeant says it better in Terrence Malick's The Thin Red Line as he dresses down James Cavalkia's (hooker please –id.) often-AWOL private, 'but there ain't no other world / than this one', ®oad-head is all / we gots.

                Course the Swedish Embassy cocktail party held in the lobby of the National Archives and Library might have been  (surely was -id.) more cinteresting than hulk-smashing away at this Take This Thing Back to Baltimore me-moirs and I call it / Hades, cinstead, while videeing outside the cindominium everone driving around on their way to get licquored up and then getting’ jiggy wit’ it and / or the swirling lights across the street at the War Museum at yet another gala to which he was not / cinvited.  These buildings gots to pay / they rent of course, but having these disco parties amongst the de-commissioned tanks and airplanes room at the War Museum sometimes strikes Cin as a little, well a little sacriligious, innit ELectrified J©. 

                Still, it's a disco moon up on out on up on out on up out there due West, and it's TGIFFriday, and Cin is after hulk-smashing away at this Take This Thing Back to Baltimore me-moirs and I call it / Hades, innit G, at an alarming rate, 'coffee' Cin said it better to a relative who had complimented him on his svelte (-ish -id.) figure and aksed as to the method in / Cin's madness, 'and / stress', after a few editions earlier this week that were cut short by sheer / exhaustion, hulk-smashing away at this Take This Thing Back to Baltimore me-moirs and I call it / Hades at an alarming rate after a few editions earlier this week that were cut short by sheer / exhaustion is all / we gots.  'So I've got that' Bill Murray's groundskeeper #1 Carl says it better in Harold Ramis' (!) immo(®)tal Caddyshack - after recounting his Dalai Lama story to Chevy Chase's Ti, surrounded by the squalor of Carl's on-site residence, and how the Dalai Lama doesn’t / tip  - 'going / for me.' 

                Course it's prolly a Christmas party, innit ELectrified JC, that's after happening at the War Museum next door.  Somehow it's the 28th of November already 2014, soon you'll 'a be 45 years / young, in some ways time does fly by, innit Marcel Proust, though whoever wrote that or believes that better never lived before during and after ®egime zer®o.  Also Black Friday - so-called for the fact that the various corporations' fortunes are 'assupossed to go into 'the black' i.e. become profitable, after the (s) / (b) / (m) ad sales taking place at their stores over the course of this American Thanksgiving week - has exported its way North of the Border as well, and Christmas preparations / with it.

                Bah humbug, good times, along with his $250 dollar leather (lambskin -id.) jacket ®etail therapy purchase from last week, which was reasonable / enough, 'it's getting' Cin said it better to the saleswoman at the Danier Leather Inc. Rideau Centre outlet, 'cold', now Cin as is his wont is thinking overboard, like Bob Barker - and as far as he knows the new guy, Drew Carey - on The Price Is Right / the TV show , befiore during and after cintroducing the next showcase showdown prize on that show, 'a new / car', all of this ®etail the®apy the products of a mid-life / crisis that has no end / in sight.

                'A mortgage' Cin loves to tell the telephone clerk at the Royal Bank for starters, when he's aksed to self-identify as his fellow-sufferers like / to call it - 'my name is Marshall Mathers' Eminem sings it better now, 'and I'm / an alcoholic' - his own self over the phone, or in-person, as was the case yesterday when Cin showed up at the Rideau Street bank branch after forgetting his wallet and armed with only i.d. / from work, aksing for , and getting, a © note, 'two lines / of credit, a credit card, a savings account, a chequing account, and' he should have added yesterday as the clerks' thumbs shuffle over cinevitably towards the silent / alarm, but didn't, 'my first born / child.'

                What's a loan gonna do in other words when you're already lost in this degree / of cinservitude to your bank?  It's another carried zero is all in monthly payments, these bankers leave him alone mostly, taking out an occasional $100.00 in 'interest payments' from one or the other aforementioned accounts - 'without so much' the British officer says it better while bad-mouthing the partiotism of Daniel Day Lewis's last of / the mohicans in Michael Mann's movie of the same name, 'as a by / your / leave' - calling Cin only to threaten him when he doesn't pay the credit card's monthy 20 percent vig. 

                It's all a terrible racket, Cin used to keep his money in the equivalent of a shoe-box under / his bed - 'my first bank account' he says it better when recounting the story of the same, a story no less (or more -id.) humorous for being true and no  more ( or less) true for being humorous, 'was driven away by a truck', it was a true story, his first chequing account in Luskvegas over on the Quebe© side held at a trailer that doubled as a bank branch, and then simply hooked up one day to the business end of the trailer hitch of a pick-up truck and never seen / again, hooked up one day to the business end of the trailer hitch of a pick-up truck and never seen / again is all / we gots.

                Course all of this prolifigacy is no good / for anyone, the bankers or the wage-slaves or society / itself, de Niro's Neal McAuley was right to quote 'MacIlvay from / the yard' in Heat, to say that a bank robber and taxpayer both should have nothing keeping you tied to a society and a system that you know / is all wrong for more than ten seconds, if / when you feel the heat coming around / the corner.  Black Friday had another meaning before we and Big Business Inc. bastardized it, innit Electrified JC - it was the day we hung you from / the cross - sacriligious he knows to write, but he's had a few Black / Fridays of / his own, Cin feels you, and to get swept up in all of this mad cinsumerism is all / wrong.

                Still, in for a penny some English person wrote it better, innit Sir Percival, in for / a pound, 'fried rats' the cobble-stone street vendor cried it better in Terry Guillam's Jabberwocky, 'just / a farthing.'  'According to Dave (?) O'Leary' ©in's coiffeuse (yes, he admits it, without regrets, the girl's got mad / lines) said it better last time, referring to a financial type who has his own TV show, 'you're 'assupossed to be debt-free / by 50.'  If ©in capitulates to his basest cinstincts and horroretail therapies / impulse buys a new car, debt-free at 50 will be out / the question, between all of the aforementioned debts, not to mention the money he never saved cinsuming all of the drugs and the booze - and we weren't that bright, innit DD, to begin with  - before during and after ®egime ze®o, not that bright to begin with is all / we gots.

                Thanks for reading this Take This Thing Back to Baltimore me-moirs and I call it / Hades.