2015-01-14 flog
‘And if
frogs had wings’ the furniture magnet Nathan Arizona says it better in the Coen
brothers’ Raising
Arizona, brooking none of the excuses provided him from his furniture store
manager, ‘they wouldn’t bruise their legs / a hoppin’. ‘I yam’ (y)our (sailor)man Popeye says it
better, ‘what I yam’ and ‘to thine own self’ Shakespeare’s Polonius says it
better in Hamlet from the play of the same name from back in the 16th
(?) century - much-maligned but speaking
/ words of wisdom - ‘be true’, it’s the same slogan, without the
pretentiousness, engraved on the double-barreled coin that Cin got after a year
of ®egime ze®o and being anything / but, and then misplaced, there are only so
many momentos that a person can keep track of without going / cinsane.
Course Nathan Jr., the kidnapped heir
apparent of the aforementioned Arizona furniture king of the same name and one
of the five Arizona quintuplets in the movie – the others being Larry, Harry,
Garry and Barry, ‘my name’s Daryl’ the Vermont mechanic introduces himself
better in TV’s ‘The Newhart Show’, from back in the 20th, ‘and this
is my brother Daryl, and my other brother, Daryl’ – is returned to his parents
at the end of the film, ‘I don’t know much’ pere Arizona says it better to the
kidnappers, played by Nicolas Cage and Mary Maitlin (?) at the denouement (hooker
please, -id.) of the film, letting the two go with slaps / on the wrist, ‘but I
do know / people’, not knowing much but knowing people is all / we gots.
‘None of
us knows anyone else’, another Coen brothers’ creation, Tom Miller as played by
Gabriel Byrne in the great Coens’ film Miller’s Crossing,
says it better, correcting another’s assertion that the two know / each other,
‘not that / well’, and he’s right, too.
‘This is what’ the English professor said it better to Cin at your RIP,
innit perfesser, professing surprise at your passing, and his inability to see
it / coming after seeing thousands of students pass through / his doors, ‘I
do’.
This is
what I do, cindeed. Your humble /
humbled / humiliated narrator has been after uploading almost year-old editions
of this Take This Thing Back to Baltimore flog as of late, and though he
has been in too much of a hurry to press the ‘publish’ button at the goggle
inc. web-site that hosts / the Thing – as he is in too much perhaps of a hurry
to write the editions of the Thing in the first / place, particularly since
your passing, innit perfesser - he is
not entirely displeased with / the results.
He went on and on and on about various horrors then as he does now within the pages of this Take
This Thing Back to Baltimore slog, what difference a day / makes, and what
little difference / a year.
Course it’s
all part and parcel of Cin’s grand plan of better regulating / his affairs, if
he can keep abreast of putting on-line within a year what we writes, he figures
he still has a fighting chance, still having a fighting chance is all we gots,
though the year-long latency period is of course arbitrary at best, and absurd,
a Dear Diary ought to be a more / immediate Thing, but this is just how it’s
turned out so far – he uploads when the e-mail sent with the latest edition
since the previous one of this Take This Thing Back to Baltimore
me-moirs appears in his / Inbox - and if a frog had wings he wouldn’t be after
busting / his legs.
‘We’ll
not be after giving them oil prices’, the nascent oil baron Daniel Longfield
played by Daniel Day Lewis says it better now of the relative value / of Things
in Paul Thomas Anderson’s There Will Be Blood
– in answer to his son’s question about how much money his Da intends to pay
for the land that sits upon the present owner’s quail farm – ‘we’ll after
giving them / quail prices’.
It’s a
sleek movie – this choice one of the last of the DVDs taking up space in a
bookshelf that surely should be set aside for, well, books, and one of the last
to be videed and horroreviewed within the pages of this Take This Thing Back
to Baltimore flog before being assigned to either the Permanent Collection
or to the bullpen / storage locker downstairs in the cindominium, a fate worse
/ than death, or perhaps finally to / the goodwill bag for further viewing –
and a tonic of a kind to Inherent Vice from the same director, videed
last Sadurday during a viewing so enshrouded in so many uncertain and ambiguous
How Does it Feelings that Cin could not possibly endorse it, but neither could
he GTFO, either.
‘No more’
Daniel Day Lewis’ Longfield says it better to a young charge who from the looks
of it he’s adopted or anyway brought to one of his oil fields to take care of ,
‘hitting’, before taking a belt from his
flask, no more hitting before taking a belt from the flask is all / we
gots. Next scene Daniel is after sleeping
on the floor of the children’s bunk room at the oil patch - your man Longfield
like your humble(d) narrator likes to bend his elbow as the slogan goes - only
cinstead of being awarded with ®egime ze®o for his troubles as we do, your man
Longfield gets filthy rich / for his.
Though of
course There Will / Be Blood, ‘some folks call it hell’ Billy Bob Thornton’s
Slingblade says it better in
the movie of the same name, “ I call
it / Hades’, and as your man Longfield’s oil derricks and wells come a cropper,
there is the unmistakable sight – and almost smell – of fiery sulphur belching
forth, on - and almost from - the screen, oh wait that’s dinner, to remind us
none too subtly, contrary to Michael Douglas’ Gordon Gecko’s assertion in Oliver
Stone’s Wall Street, that not all greed / is good.
Yes dear
reader it’s a morality tale, a morality tale dear reader is all / we gots. What it is is that your man Daniel Plainview
- played as always scary-well by Daniel Day-Lewis - on his rounds of buying up
all kind of land gets mixed up with a religious type and all manner of hijinks
ensue. ‘I look at people’, Day-Lewis’
Longfield says it better to his erstwhile long-lost brother – who is, spoiler
alert, running a long / con on your man Daniel - ‘and I see nothing / worth
liking’. It’s a nice line in a nice
scene between the so-called brothers, Daniel desperate for a little help with
‘these people’ - ‘I can’t’ he ‘fesses up, ‘keep doing this on my own’ – and who
amongst us doesn’t liking finding a long-lost broheen, innit Itchy and
Scratchy, even if he is / an impostor.
‘What else would I do with myself’,
Daniel akses it better of his competition, after the same offers to make him ‘a
millionaire, while / you’re sitting here’ as they do business, old-school
style, purchasing each other’s fields / and plots. It’s as good a portrait as you’ll find about
a driven person, shedding BFFs – his first business partner, his son, his con
man of a faux-brother - like fracking
oil from / the shale. Cin hopes that
this analogy / metaphor is apt, in truth he knows little about oil or fracking
or wtf or anything, hoping that this analogy / metaphor is apt, knowing little
about oil or fracking or wtf or anything, is all / we gots.
‘I just
took his story’ the faux-frere says it better to Daniel of Daniel’s real
brother, ‘read / his diary’, seconds before being shot – spoiler alert – for
assuming his / identity. You better hope
that no one takes this story from this Take This Thing Back to Baltimore
blog and reads / this Dear Diary, innit Itchy and Scratchy.
A
cherubic local type wakes Plainview up the morning after Plainview offs his
faux-BFF brother with a pistol, and offers Plainview his land, but only if
Plainview agrees to be baptized ‘for his sins.’
Plainview, no fool to say / the least, has to aks the man ‘what sins,
the sin / of drilling?’ before the local hands Plainview the pistol with a
knowing look. Off Plainview goes to get baptized by the
aforementioned cherubic local and the aforementioned religious type, ‘sin-free’
Flash said it better after his own switch to the Catholic team ten years ago, innit
Flash, ‘at 33’, and Cin-free your humble(d)
narrator was ‘assuposed to be as well – only at at 43 - but somehow two of of
‘em still got / sin, and one of them
still gots / Cin.
http://www.cbc.ca/natureofthings/features/the-not-so-humble-housecat
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