2016-05-19 ‘My boy doesn’t / miss.’

 2016-05-19                 

 

               Ironweed  gets a f®ee pass because ‘there are very few things’ -  What Would Jack Say as the film version protagonist / anti-hero of the immor(t)al William Kennedy Buffalo noir novel of the same name , innit ACG – ‘that hu(wo)mankind has not said / or done’, or words to that / extent, it’s a nice noir line.  Ditto The Interpreter because Nicole Kidman GD.  Now comes Hitman, next in line for retention or not in the cindominium permanent DVD ©ollection, a nice noir line is all / we gots.

           

            What it is in Hitman is that (y)our (hit)man the eponymous character (hooker please, -id.) the Hitman has been trained since birth to kill everyone with a heartbeat who gets in / his way, killing everyone with a heartbeat who gets in / his way (that’s enough -id.) is all we gots. 

 

            Course the bar code tattooed on the back of his noggin tends to give him away, all of the other Hitmen waiting in line, Bou®ne Identity-style, to rid the world of your man the titular Hitman because an asset that five-lettered wordle.  Apparently though the folks who make the Hitmen hardcoded a sense of honour  into the bar codes as we do, for (t)here now are four Hitmen – three against one – battling morning noon and night with swords rather than guns on the Moscow metro, battling morning noon and night is all / we gots.

 

            And like your man Jason Bourne, Hitman struggles against his hard-coding, sparing the Interpol guy after a battle ®oyale and falling for a ®usskie femme fatale.  Film jumps the shark before during and after the scene in which the film’s antagonist, a Russian oligarch of the usual variety, whips the Russkie femme fatale like a red-headed step child babushka in a smoky room while his fellow oligarchs laugh and howl in glee as they videe the proceedings, the lot of them of course arseholed on their   100-year old scotch and vodka that five-lettered wordle because pre- or post-Regime Zero the lot of these commies innit Johnny Mo, arseholed is all / we gots.

 

            ‘Moscow’ the subtitle lets us in on the action, and then for good measure, ‘Russia’, ‘my boy’ the Interpol agent says it better by way of explanation for the bloodbath that (y)our (hit)man Brett the Hitman Hart has just left behind him, ‘doesn’t / miss.’

 

            Next on Hitman’s hitlist is Istanbul, he brings along Natasha the ®usskie femme fatale because audience is surely pituitary cases like Cin  (that’s enough -id.) and it showcases his emerging / hu(wo)manity, showcasing his emerging / hu(wo)manity is all / we gots. 

 

Dialogue  is risible, ‘you’re not wearing’ (y)our (hit)man the Hitman answers Natasha better in one of their mercifully few and typical exchanges, before during and after being aksed / the same as a test of Hitman’s ®ainman / photographic memory, ‘underwear’, going / commando as we do is all / we gots.

 

Course the love that four-lettered word interest angle of the movie is too brutal too audee st®aight no chaser – ‘in the place I grew up, they didn’t give us names’ (y)our (hit)man  Hitman says it worse to Natasha, when the matter of his name comes up a mere thirty screen minutes and three countries at least into their burgeoning romance, ‘they gave us / numbers, mine / was ‘47’, this line pales even in comparison with Jason Bourne being told by his own love interest in one of those movies  that although Bourne has no recollection of the same, ‘things were complicated / between us’, things complicated between us is all / we gots - up pops now Tosh’s media player for to provide solace by way of an alternative soundtrack, providing solace by way of an alternative soundtrack is all / we gots.   

 

            After shooting up Istanbul but good, your man Hitman electrocutes an FSB – the successor to the Russian / Soviet KGB, innit Johnny Mo – agent, and then the President of Russia, or somefink, meanwhile all hell / breaks loose, all hell breaking loose is all / we gots, ‘I know guys on crack’ one of Mike Myer’s Dr. Evil’s henchmen says it better to Austin Powers in one of the movies of the same name, ‘that makes more sense / than you.’    

 

               Good  times, ®IP Hitman the movie, we hardly / knew ye.  Course it’s not all fun / and games up on out on up on out on up on out on up on out on  up on out on up on out on up on out up here in the cindominium of (t)his Thirstday evening – and they never get any / more or any / less thirsty because Regime Zero - what with so many memories and anecdotes and cincidents to recollect as part and parcel of (t)his Take This Thing Back to Baltimore me-moirs and fun / and games, ‘and a dark place / it is’, (y)our man the actor Malcolm Macdowell as Little Alex knows it better in the eleven o’clock number of Kubrick’s immor(t)al film version of Anthony Burgess’ A Clockwork Orange , ‘alone with me pain, (t)his Thirstday evening is all / we gots.

 

Though he swears up and down that heoach’ll be after treating the writing / hulk-smashing of this Take This Thing Back to Baltimore me-moirs and fun and games as though it were a part-time job – say, 10 hours a week – which it is, still Cin’s dedication to the same is / waning.  He uploaded an edition / episode from two years ago nearly to the day earlier this after, and though it’s quite a Thing to videe in your Thing just what exactly what was going through what’s left of his mind, then / as now – ‘it’s quite a thing’ Rutger Hauer’s replicant Roy says it better to CEO Eldon Tyrell in Ridley Scott’s Blade Runner, upon doing just / that, ‘to meet / your maker’ - still the entry was a little disturbing as we do, the way that the Enola Gay was a little disturbing to Hiroshima some years ago, ka-boom.

 

Thank you for reading (t)his Take This Thing Back to Balti-memoires and Disturbia .