9/22/14
‘I’m livin’ it’, Bart
Simpson says it better in a Season 2 episode, ‘but I ain’t / lovin’ it’, sound
familiar? Like this Take This Thing
Back to Baltimore me-moirs and (f) / (s) / (b) (v) log, some of whose
earlier editions are surely painful / to read, ‘The Simpsons’ took quite some
time to get watchable, but by the time it did, watch / out. A work changes, Eleanor said it better, as
time progresses, the reader is not the same, nor / the writer, the only
cinstant, someone wrote it better / is change, cintax / is his.
Behold / the (f) / (s)
/ (b) (v) logger, innit It. He riseth up
early in the morning, after a nice dream cinvolving Michael Douglas’ current
saucy wife, 25 years / Douglas’ junior, whose name like many Things these days
and nights will occur to Cin mid / sentence.
Usually the crackberry buzzing and buzzing and buzzing can wake / the
dead, but this morning Cin was only up and at ‘em 30 minutes into / the buzz,
ironically enough – ‘ironicallory enough’ Liam Neeson’s fellow-suffering character
says it better in Amongst the Tombstones
to his urban BBFF – it is a good sign when Cin is rested enough to sleep
through the buzzing and buzzing and buzzing, as of late he has found himself
awake well before the buzzing and buzzing and buzzing. Which is bad, man needs / his sleep, innit
Doctor Sleep, innit Mr. King.
Though he had set the
‘travelling cage trap’ for ‘his’ cats Jake and Elwood Blues the night before in
his erstwhile bedroom, placing the cages side by side on the bed as a
none-too-subtle hint of Imminent Things to come, the cats had not gone into the
cages when he went into the room this morning, though neither had they vacated
the room strategically so as not to be trapped inside the cages by their
erstwhile room-mate, Cin.
What it is is that in
order to avoid the histrionics of last year - where your man Jake Blues the cat
caught a sniff of his cage and proceeded to disappear for the rest of the day,
forcing Cin to wait / around for him while his brother, Elwood, gladly hung
around all day in anticipation of returning / to town - Cin has made elaborate counter-measures to
avoid / the same this year. Should both
cats, or even just your man Jake Blues the cat, be present in the room when he
goes in to feed them, Cin will close the bedroom window, stuff the cat(s) into
the cages if necessary – sometimes they just go in, Cin wouldn’t know about
averages, he’s used the things / twice – and then drive them to the cindominium
in town and then let them loose inside, drop the necessary line under these
cincumstanes - namely ‘room service’, the goons in Abel Ferrar’s King of New
York say it better before everyone in the room gets kilt, ‘motherfuckers’ -
before heading off / to work, to pay for their $30 bags / of cat food.
Course these elaborate
counter measures are cintengent (‘contingent’ and that’s enough / cintax –id.)
on the master-mind getting out of bed in enough time to allow for the
twenty-minute diversion to the cindominium and this dropping off of the cats /
business. It will be like the Meow Mix
commercial all the way, innit monsieur debonaire – ‘meow meow meow meow / meow
meow meow meow / meow meow meow meow / meow meow meow meow ‘ – as the cat(s) as
is their wont cry / in captivity, crying in captivity is all / we gots.
Course you’re
‘assupposed to put a blanket or whatnot over the carrying cases, but as Cin
mentioned above, he is not the type to repeat these elaborate counter-measures
every week-end, but cinstead brings the cats Jake and Elwood out on up on up on
out on up in here in June, and then brings them back / in September. On the way out on up on out on up on out here
earlier this summer, if he’s being honest, he put the cages in the trunk for
the 30-minute trip, the meow mix theme song no longer / his favorite, though we
still occasionally trot out the tune, innit monsieur debonaire, when like Homer
we need to drown out the outside noises and focus on / what’s important,
replacing sometime the ‘meows’ / with ‘la’s - ‘my troubled’, you promised to
call your own version of this Take This Thing Back to Baltimore me-moirs
and (f) / (s) /(b) / (v) log, ‘mind’, like bartender Mo Sizlak on ‘The
Simpsons’ - it’s a better title, or at least less typing anyway.
‘A rider’ the family
matriarch said it better earlier this month, of equestrians, ‘show their
characters right away / on a horse’, and though this telling anecdote isn’t
exactly the same as the slogan about pets assuming the characteristics of their
human room-mates, it’s close enough, the point being that Jake and Elwood Blues
– aka Jesse and Frank James, aka Teddy and Tyson (their birth / names –id.),
aka Itchy and Scratchy, aka Bert and Ernie (that’s enough –id.) – have taken on
the characteristics of their manimal room-mate Cin, and that of his creator,
and his body / double, and vice verca.
Jake Blues is the manimal side of Cin, your man Jake Blues the cat at
age 2 months punching and ripping out the side of his tri-wall cardboard
travelling box and jumping all over the inside of the travelling car, this
performance not five minutes after his release from the local SPCA and into a
new life with his brother Elwood and their new room-mate Cin. Elwood on the other hands is the docile half
of Cin, the gentle half, the needy half that likes to sleep and get / stroked,
‘retarded’, ®ugby ©lub team-mate MN said it better, and not altogether
cinaccurately, of Cin during the course of one bender / or another during the
hal©yon p®e-®egime ze®o days.
Good times, whether or
not Jake and Elwood are also hulk-smashing away at their own feline versions of
this Take This Thing Back to Baltimore (f) / (s) / (b) / (v) / log while
Cin is at work or not, Cin cannot tell, but if they did it would probably go a
little bit like this, innit monsieur debonaire : ‘ meow meow meow meow / meow
meow meow meow / meow meow meow meow’, and, wait for it, ‘meow meow meow meow’.
He’ll try again /
tomorrow, evenings now are officially cold up on out on up on out on up out
here, and the two city cats Jake and Elwood Blues - ‘the Blues’, Aretha Franklin
among many others introduces John Belushi and Dan Ackroyd’s versions of the
same in the immortal John Landis movie of the same name, ‘Brothers’ – are
frankly having it out with the local feral toughs, Two Socks and RoFo, sort of
constantly up on out on up on out on up out here. It’s compelling drama, innit, and it never
ends , and it’s time / to head back into the cindominium and / the city. Cin feels bad for them, but not that bad,
‘these cats live the life’, he said it better as of late, ‘of Riley’.
It’s sweet visuals up
on out on up on out on up out here these days on the way / to work and along
the Mountain Road. Sometimes Cin stuffs
his new BFF, the Samsung Bluetooth earpiece, into his ear to see whether he has
any messages – ‘nothing’ the voicemail lady says nine times / out of ten, and
Cin might say that this destroys him nine times / out of ten, but these days if
he said that he’d be lying like / a rug – but he di’nt do that / this morning,
who needs / voicemail messages ? Of the many Things that he cintended to do over the course of
this summer – tidy up his M and P’s place, fix up / the sailboat and put in in
/ the water, sell the rights to this Take This Thing Back to Baltimore
me-moirs and (f) / (s) / (b) / (v) / log log to Hachette Books – but did not,
his car auto-body work is among the most grievous. How can a person show up for his 25th
year high school reunion in a car with rusty streaks? As usual, Cin leaves everything that he’s ‘assupposed to do until
/ the very last minute, and even then does about 10 % / of those, leaving
everything that we’re ‘assupposed to do until / the very last minute, and then
even then doing about 10 % / of those, is all / we gots.
Carapace of stars is
awesome tonight, truly breath-taking, Cin will miss / the stars, innit
Galileo. Urban glow and constant traffic
make up the sights and sounds outside / the cindomium – essentially exactly the
same / inside as he left it, three months ago, despite all of Cin’s / grandiose
plans, see above - though there’s trees
about, and a stream behind his building, to mitigate the toxic swamp / in
front, this latter the subject of all kinds of grandiose governing body plans –
‘SCMODS’ Elwood Blues explains the acronym better to brother Jake in The
Blues Brothers, ‘State, County, Municipal / Offender Data System’ - the
most recent of which is a ‘Native Wheel’ or whatnot, it actually sounds pretty
cool, a low-lying ampitheatre of some kind to off-set / the War Museum across
the street.
Course all of your
elaborate counter-measures is never / enough, under horroRegime Zero, there is
no more drinking this Dog and Pony Show - and its cast / of characters, these
sniffity people – pretty. Or we can just
stay here, innit Jake and Elwood, claiming squatter’s / rights.
Thanks for reading
this Take This Thing Back to Baltimore me-moirs and (f) / (s) / (b) /
(v) / log.
and killing / our own snakes : http://www.nytimes.com/2014/09/21/opinion/sunday/willie-nelson-feels-maureen-dowd-s-pain.html
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