2015-01-12 humble(d)

2015-01-12          humble(d) 

Dea® Dia®y,

If a tree fell in the forest, and no one was there, would it still make / a sound?  Your humble(d) – ‘in order  to achieve humility’ Mother Teresa said it better, ‘sometimes a great deal / of humiliation is required’ – narrator of (t)his Take This Thing Back to Baltime-moires and humble(d) ©in, rarely at a loss for words that five-lettered wordle, is momentarily speechless of this Just Another Mani© Monday evening, but this too, as one of the better slogans has it better, will pass.  There, passed, past, ‘the past is not behind us’ William Faulkner wrote it better, ‘it’s not even / past.’ 

Attaboy, there are at least three questionable references, grammatical and ©intax faux-pas in this edition of this Take Thing Back to Baltime-moires and humble(d) so far (‘not even / past’ ?), and it’s only two paragraphs / in, ‘six goats’ Flash says it better, ‘for seven / glories’, –id.  Focus, must / focus, Albert Frankenstein, be alert, the world needs / lerts, ©intax faux-pas is all / we gots.

A person might be forgiven for thinking that seven cups of coffee ©insumed over the course of a Just Another Mani© Monday might sharpen what’s left of the mind be©ause I wanna shoot the whole day / down, but a person would / be wrong.  Cinstead (y)our man ©in the humble(d) narrator of the same is after hulk-smashing away aimlessly at this Take Thing Thing Back to Baltime-moires and Dear Diary, videeing the smoke spewing out the)ir) neighbor the  War Museum’s chimney morning noon and night and blown by a stiff East wind, and audeeing Edith Piaf emanating / beaming out from (y)our (w)man the laptop Tosh and Bose the wireless speaker.  He will flog these two devices for free, wireless speakers apparently the easiest channel for hackers the world over, ‘this information is just out there, getting beamed around’ the mastermind wheelchair-bound criminal in Michael Mann’s immopr(t)al masterpie©e of a film Heat says it better to de Niro’s bank-robber Neal MacAuley, after being aksed the same, of the origin of the schematics and balances of the bank - ‘low seven figures’ – of the job that he’s being offered, ‘you just have to know how / to grab it’, just knowing how / to grab it is all / we gots.

‘Non, rien de rien’ Edith Piaf sings it better in her dirge that five-lettered wo®dle of the same name, ‘non, je ne regrette rien / ni le bien / ni le mal  / je m’en foux du passé’.  Some verses are missing, but hopefully you get the idea, if there are a more evocative and cinspirational 2 minutes and 20 seconds of music on God’s green earth, Cin has yet / to hear them, innit god, even as he hulk-smashes away at page MCLXXIXIV or wtf of this Take This Thing Back to Baltimore me-moirs and Dea® Dia®y. 

Course Piaf is renouncing the past while Cin is ‘assupposed to be dredging it up like so many war wounds, about half of the time Cin knows that the little sparrow Piaf is right, ‘half of the time’, the pirate in the cartoon strip says it better, showing off his hook hand and peg-leg, ‘I regret being / a pirate’ – it is a line that Cin has used and more / than more than once to try and to fail to mansplain his playing career on Rugby Club, pointing to his one functional shoulder, leg, arm – and Regime Zero of course as apposed to love that four-lettered wo®d meaning that you never stop having to say you’re / sorry that five-lettered wo®dle, regretting being a pirate half of the time is all / we gots.

As far as the other half is cincerned, well he will shout like the little sparrow while the tape recorder is on, and then when the red light goes off, off he will skulk into his corner, skulking off into the corner when the red recording light goes off is all / we gots - ®egime ze®o too meaning of course that you’re sent over to the ©o®ne®, and stay / there with (y)our face to / the wall that four-lettered wo®d -  ‘never knew’ Shane McGowan of the Pogues sings it better in their version of the unofficial Australian national anthem better, ‘there were worse things / than dying.’

‘Je suis’ the slogan du jour has it better, ‘Charlie’, this one horroriginating as a result of last week’s assassination of ten-plus cartoonists and journalists at the French magazine ‘Hebdo Charlie’, all of these nouns and adjectives are relative terms, but hopefully you get / the idea.  Maggie Simpson at the end of ‘The Simpsons’ episode last night was drawn waving a ‘Je Suis Charlie’ flag, and George Clooney God bless him managed to slip in the slogan too at the end of his own five-minute speech at the Golden Globes,  innit god (that’s enough, -id.), also videed last night.

Yes dear reader it was a night of serious telee viewing yesterday evening, it is what (y)our (wo)men the(ir) M and P Noslouc do of a Sunday evening, their Pa depending on the day not particularly interested much in the telee, or in the Golden Globes last night, anyway, after dropping a wine glass and then a coffee mug and shattering both during the course of dinner their Da was after going straight / to bed, ‘stright’ (y)our man the(ir) bartender-for-life told us better before during and after 86-ing us as do, innit Flash, ‘home’ that four-lettered wo®d, dropping and shateering is all / we gots.

Course as a part-time movie horroreviewer, your humble(d) narrator had a passing cinterest in the ceremony, it was that and / or drive home, or and / or go mad / with anxiety over the state of their Da, and their Ma, and the whole lot / of them, the whole famn damily, ‘we put the fun’ someone said it better, innit Jenke, ‘in dysfunctional’ – works too, for ‘funeral’ ! - and ‘you can’t’ Homer said it better this morning before during and after the episode where he ends up in charge of a nuclear submarine, after receiving a discharge of the same name, ‘spell ‘dishonourable’ / without ‘honourable’’, going / mad is all / we gots.

Good times, Julianne Moore won the Best Actress award for her role playing an early-onset Alzheimer’s patient – ‘just go home’ )goes the punch-line to the joke about the doctor and the docto® demento patient with Alzheimer’s has it better, ‘and forget / about it’ - and Wes Anderson won Best Director for The Grand Budapest Hotel, damn-near / unwatchable, the whole ceremony peculiar and particular to the industry, whereby everone gets dressed up to the nines and is subjected to Before and After shots of being nominated for, and then losing, the various categories, being subjected to Before and After shots of being nominated for, and then losing, the various categories is all / we gots.

Course these film folks do this for a living, and though you know that the ladies who lost to Julianne Moore for the Best Actress award spared her no ill-will afterwards, and can see it in their After Resting Bitcg Fa©e shots, you can see that the Male actors Hpow Does It Feel the same way, before druign and afer the eleven-teen looking English bloke who won the award for portraying Stephen Hawking in that hagiography – ‘they don’t’ Cin said equally as uncharitably as the actor was giving his acceptance speech, of how women love men with cerebral palsy, ‘talk back’ (that’s enough –id.) – won instead / of them.

‘What’ Cin aksed his Ma somewhat disingenuously half-way through the telecast, ‘is / this?’, as he rifled his way through the entirety of the hard ©opy Sunday edition of the New Yo®k Times on the sofa, as is his wont of a Sunday after and evening, regardless of the mayhem otherwise surrounding - rifling his way through the entirety of the Sunday edition of the New York Times on the sofa, regardless of the mayhem otherwise surrounding him is all / he gots - his previous exposure to awards shows being the Oscars, to which this awards show the Golden Globes shows more than a passing / resemblance.

Oh yeah, and Michael Keaton won an award for his role as the title character Birdman in that movie of the same name, that one that (y)our man had to GTFO of after ten / minutes be©ause frantic©.  (y)our man Beetlejuice gave a good speech afterwards, replete with references to his hard-scrabble childhood and his best friend, his son, also in the audience, and suited up in a penguin suit tuxedo like the rest / of them for reasons / unclear, be©ause frantic© is all / we gots.

Cin sat through the entirety of Foxcatcher this evening mind you, this one about a pair of brothers and Olympic wrestlers who are sponsored by your man John du Pont of the Delaware du Ponts and who  get into all kind of monkeyshines as a result.  Movie jumps the shark when your man du Pont has a tank delivered to his property by the U.S. Army for reasons unknown, and then throws a hissy fit when he finds out that the machine-gun turret that he also ordered has not yet been / installed, ‘put on’ (y)our man Scarface says it better in the immor(t)al Brian de Palma movie ofd the same name before during and after purchasing a Porsche at the OG / Old Ganster’s Miami Car dealer, ‘one of them bulletproof / windshields’.  One of the wrestler / brothers jumps all over the tank during this scene, joining the proverbial shark doing the same, ‘sharkjumper’ Cin improvised upon the film title at that precise time, the rest of the film had nowhere to go / but down.

Like this Take This Thing Back to Baltimme-moirs and jumping / the sha®k, this movie Foxcatcher was ‘based’ the opening credit has it better, and well you know / the rest, ‘on a true / story’, based on a true story is all / we gots.  What it is in Foxcathcher is that the younger brother in the story, played by Tatum Channing (nom du po®n, innit Magic Mike), is after supporting himself mporniong noon and night in his pursuit of a second Olympic gold medal by giving inspirational speeches to elementary school children and eating McDonalds meals in his car between training sessions.  Meanwhile his older brother, played by Mark Ruffalo, is living comparatively large, coaching wrestling at another local school while also preparing like his brother for the 1988 Seoul Olympics.

Enter ‘Eagle-Eye’ John du Pont, played creepily and cannily by Steve Carrell – of ‘The Office’ the TV show fame - who throws enough money at the brothers to get them to move to his training centre on his plantation, but who can not pay enough to get either brother to like him, ‘I am not needy’ the Christmas gift card says it better, innit Electrified JC, ‘I am / wanty’ – ‘I don’t / have Aspe®ge’s ‘ the top half of the t-shirt has it better, ‘I’m just / an asshole’ - though it’s not for lack / of trying, at one point your man du Pont does rails of coke with your man the younger brother on the du Pont private plane whilst flying across the country, all of this before either brother bothers to think that maybe du Pont wants something out of the brothers than another pair / of gold medals,®rails / of coke is all / we gots.

Spoiler alert : your man du Pont likes his weapons and uses one of them on one of the brothers, and all of the Du Pont money isn’t enough to save your man DuPont from going to the stripey hole, and if the end credits and the Internet are to be believed, dying there / as well.  If the Du Pont lawyers were half the bad-asses that they are portrayed as in the movie, they never would have allowed this hatchet-job of a movie to be made, but then again no one is half the bad-ass that they’re portrayed as in / the movie.

Thanks for reading (t)his Take This Thing Ba©k to Baltime-moi®es and Dea® Dia®y