'Enjoy the evening,' the saucy greeter at what must have passed for a burlesque show in London, innit Sir Percival, 'Mrs. Jeckyl', in the film named after her husband and his partner / in crime, his and her worse half both, the better half of the comic duo better known as Jeckyl / and Hyde.
Course ©in was 'assuposed to videe that film and horroreview it for you little monsters, seeing as the story it tells might as well be / his, but he pressed the wrong button on Samsung the DVD player's remote and up horroresurected instead The Mummy, both of these classics on the same DVD, a function of space / and time, the original CD / compact disc apparently designed to hold the length in its entirety of lovely lovely Ludwig Van's 9th / symphony.
'Is it from' the English stiff akses it better of the artifact found in the tomb of the Egyptian / stiff, 'from / Khartoum ?' . What it is is that it's best to let sleeping dogs / lie, this Egyptian artifact will lead to the ruin of several of these English stiffs, all of whom are arse-holed five minutes into / the movie, as (y)our man ©in the humble(d) narrator of this of this Take This Thing Back to Baltimore me-moirs and Je©kyl / and Hyde imbibes litres 18925-18927 so far during the course of horrororegime zero so far of his new favorite drink, powdered lemonade, priced at 3 packs for a buck.
Good times, 'let' the American drunkard in the film says it better - after being warned and not for the first time, by his Egyptian host to let the genie stay in the bottle , or to leave the mummy's royal burial tomb / undisturbed - 'the consequences / begin'. 'Pandora's' Cin's fellow-sufferer said it better describing what happens before during and after the course of horroregime / zero, 'box', ©insequences is all / we gots.
Course we're all Dr. Jeckyls and Mr. Hydes, all of us zombies / and mummies, 'the zombie' a writer bad-mouthed you once, if not better, though it's a funny enough / line, innit Electrified JC, 'Jew'. 'Of course I've got enemies' the American impresario says it better - after his mummy has excaped its / his / her coffin, and the local London Inspector Clousseau comes by to aks what's the haps - 'I'm in / show business.'
'Your evening air' the impresario says it better on his way home from the show, referring to the breeze of the Thames, must be, innit guv'nor, 'is so / refreshing'. Your man the impresario must be from L.A., innit Cash, to find London air / refreshing. Soon enough your man the impressario is confronted by all manner of London types - the pan-handlers, the ladies of the night - before finally running into your man his missing Mummy, who makes short work of / the ex-boss, making short work of / the ex-boss is all / we gots.
Your man the mummy is our kind of anti-hero, wandering around killing everything in sight, without a sound out / his word-hole, given as it's covered by three thousand year old terry cloth. He is The Fool Kille®'s predecessor going about his business in the only way (s)he (probably a 'he', or Egyptian basketball player) knows, one / by one, fool / by fool.
Course when your man the hero isn't the loqacious type in a movie and can't even (m) / (st) utter lines like 'I'll be back' or 'wait' - What Would Jack Say as the Joke® in Joel Schumacher’s Batman before during and after his inadvertent bout of plastic surgery - ''til they get a load / of me', secondary, preferably human, characters must be introduced to keep the narrative rolling forward. One of the English stiffs seems to know the mummy's safe word to keep him from killing everyone in London, and when he (m) / (st) utters his lines - gobbly gook, it's 'assupossed to be Middle Eastern, ©in can only presume, Sunni or Shiite or whatnot - your man the mummy pauses in his / her / its (s) / (m) / (b) and just plain / adventures, though (s)he soon resumes / his redrumming ways, and this time, it's personal, (s) / (m) / (b) and just plain / adventures is all / we gots.
An Egyptian is scarificed by the English Inspector Clousseau to prove a plot point, 'follow him ' - the detecive tells a deputy bobby better after they've released the mummy back into the streets of London before during and after (s)he's killed / the egyptian, to be fair it was at the Egyptian's request, he called your man the mummy the prince of all Egypt and aksed to be killed most painfully - 'but keep / your distance.'
It goes on like this for some time, 'awake Rah' his brother tells your man the mummy better, 'prince / of the desert'. ©in would like to have a brother Ra, prince of the desert, awake and do his bidding as well, but all he's gots is these cats, innit you little monste®s. After going on and on and on about how having immortal life without end is boring him stiff(er) - 'plagues', he recalls better his time up on out on up on out on up on out on up on this Dog and Pony Show so far, 'famine' and of course the 3rd of the four horsemen of the apocalypse, 'pestilence' - your man the Rah's brother decides to do his own dirty work for a change, and raises his dagger to his hot B®exit wife. Only the Mummy his brother from another mother surely takes exception to this - she's a fine looking lady - and grasps the knife mid-stroke before doing the old pull-me pull you routine and having his brother stab himself to death instead of / his bird, The End.
Course it's the first snowfall of the season, 'good / evil' Dr. Jeckyl says it better, 'all of this moral quibbling / is useless.' 'That's why there are so few saints / and so many / cinners' his BFF and fellow-scientist can only rejoin Dr. Jeckyl - Henry to his friend(s) - cintax / is Cin's. 'I am beyond their timid, lying morality' Brando's Colonel Kurtz updates this slogan better some 40 years later in Hollywood time in Coppola's Apocalypse Now, in a letter to / his son, and it is by far Cin's favorite slogan / of all, 'and so I am beyond / caring.' 'Words of wisdom, Lloyd' - What Would Jack Say as Jack Torrence in Kubrick’s take on your The Shining, innit Mr. King- 'words / of wisdom.'
'Listening to these braying asses,' Henry Jeckyl says it better in the movie to hot wife 'Kitty' - who knew ? - of her dinners and her dinner / companions, 'full of asinine / hypocrisy.' Kitty says to hell with you Henry, have another / drink, and off / she goes to dinner. Course Henry is after creating a syrum to turn into a superman, creating a syrum to turn into a superman is all / we gots, and so he does have another drink, this time consuming a full blast of what he has so far offered only offered the syrius monkeys in his lab - and that in small measures - Henry Jeckyl becomes your man Mr. Hyde in front of our very / eyes.
'It's only wicked' the cab-driver says it better of London town, to a newly-introduced Mr. Hyde - this guy whisker-free where his other half, his aka, your man Dr. Jeckyl is all kind / of beardy - as Mr. Hyde sets out on his first ever series of (s) / (b) / (m) and just plain / adventures, 'if you're poor', it was ever / thus. It's as good a premise / as any, not dissimilar to the ©inceit of this Take This Thing Back to Baltimore me-moirs and Je©kyl and Hyde, where your man decides that enough's / enough and creates an aka to act on his behalf, where before no one listened / at all.
Course Dr. Jeckyl gets all kind / of maudlin once his worse half Mr. Hyde has receeded back into the farthest reaches of / Henry's ego or id or wtf. 'Who are you really' Henry Jeckyl akses his wife better after another night of (s) / (m) / (b) and just plain / adventures as Mr, Hyde, 'Kitty?', to which she can only reply 'oh Henry' like the chocolate bar, 'I'm / tired', unaccustomed as Kitty is to a randy Henry after years of a bedroom bereft / of fireworks, tired is all / we gots.
Good times, apparently Kitty is carrying on with Henry's other BFF, behind Henry's back. Course Mr. Hyde soon puts an end to that love triangle, as the first manifestation of his new-found power as Henry Jeckyl's new droogie and better / worse half. 'we English' Mr. Hyde says it better to his latest conquest in the movie, after being aksed / the same, 'never know how / we feel'.
As always, what people in movies choose to do with their newfound super powers is fascinating / to Cin. 'Hancock' with Will Smith had a humorous take on it, the superhero like Cin forced into going all kind of horroregime zero because the world / needs him. Mr. Hyde's first plan in this film is to seek revenge on his creator Dr. Jecykl's wife Kitty, instead of say taking over / the world, 'love' Mr. Hyde declares it better after going incognito and aksing Kitty what she sees in her lover - his so-called friend - 'is an idiocy.'
Course new-found powers is always / ambiguous, Cin videed a movie recently with Tom Cruise in it whereby Cruise's Army Major character gets to / has to live the same day the same way every day, until of course he figures out that if he changes things incrementally in the present / of today, he will wake up in a different / world tomorrow. Ludicrous enough - an explosives-filled Groundhog Day - but strangely enough effecting as well, your man Cruise partnered #MeToo-style with an on-screen partner half / his age as usual, strangely enough effecting as well and partnered with a partner half / his age as usual is all / we gots.
Mr. Hyde's cameo up on out on up on out on up on Dr. Jeckyl's Dog and Pony Show is short-lived of course. 'Women aren't a weakness' Mr. Hyde's new BFF says it better, accepting that gambling is his Achilles' Heal / weakness, but not so / women, 'they're a recurring / necessity'. After the two go on on another whirl-wind tour of London Town's saucier environs - Cin must move towards the PG-13 section of the video store as these endless tavern scenes awaken the thi®st in him somefink terrible, innit gov'nor - your man Mr. Hyde finally plots his revenge on his new BFF, aka the dude who's two-timing him, or at least who's two-timing his aka Dr. Jeckyl, whether or not this is all on behalf of Dr. Jeckyl is impossible to discern.
Good times, by the time that Dr. Jeckyl realizes that his night-time aka Mr. Hyde has taken on a life of his own, it's too late, this of course too a recurring theme of this Take This Thing Back to Baltimore me-moirs and Je©kyl and Hyde. Mr. Hyde tries to enjoy the high-life when he can, knowing surely that his good times sans Dr. Jeckyl cannot last, 'with' Bono and U2 sing it better in their song of the same name, 'or without you', but proves a bit of an amateur, and tires of the wine women and song of London town after a fortnight or so of cavorting - 'if you're tired of London' the slogan goes, 'you're tired / of life' - whereas Cin's creator and aka never tired of it / at all but was forcibly / retired.
Thanks for reading this Take This Thing Back to Baltimore me-moirs and Je©kyl / and Hyde.
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