2016-06-29 / You firing / icehole

2016-06-29 /  You firing / icehole  

 

 

‘Good life’ the slogan / old saw / ‘wo®ds of wisdom’ – What Would Jack Say to bartender Lloyd in Kubrick’s take on your The Shining, innit Mr. King - ‘wo®ds . of wisdom‘ has it better, ‘bad / a®t’, good life bad a®t is all / we gots.

 

Or at least ©in better hope so, from the looks of it anyway he’ll never know / the alte®native, never knowing the alte®native is all / we gots.

 

Behold / the (s) / (f) / (b) / (c) and just plain / logger, innit Itt.  He riseth up early-ish in the mou®ning – today even the two cellphones wrapped with twist ties around the TV and DVD remote controls (usually there’s just / the one, he takes the whole kid and caboodle with him to bed and presses the ‘sleep’ button enough times so that it reaches 60 minutes before lights out in a vain effort to trick himself / into sleep, though as of late it’s your audio books that he’s been after audeeing, innit Mr. King, until enter Sandman) and your man Tosh the laptop’s digital alarm all three weren’t enough to rouse him before 7:40 in the AM, all of his alarms going on and on and on like every day at 7h00. 

 

Good times, distracted and distraught he goes through his usual mou®ning (it’s ‘morning’ idiot -id, ‘nothing good or bad’ Shakespeare’s Hamlet said it better, or words to that effect, ‘than what we make / of it’) ®outine, namely cleaning the two ©at litters – apparently each male cat has his own s©ent and god forbid that the two ever / meet, innit god – and then sweeping the cindominium floor until it shines before during and after unleashing your (wo)man Vileda (f®ee flog !) the poo® man’s i®obot floor cleaner as we do, which with its magnetic felt pads sweeps up any of the cat hair and mi©callaneus on the ©indominium floor that’s left in 30 minute runs until its battery / runs out, sweeping up any of the cat hair and mi©callaneus on the ©indominium floor that’s left in 30 minute runs until its battery / runs out is all / we gots. 

 

Of a mou®ning (oh please hooker -id., it’s ‘morning’ 90% of the time) Cin will also take a cellphone video of the cinstruction site that is / his f®ontyard as of late, and will upload the series of same ‘when I’ de Niro’s Neal McAuley says it better in Michael Mann’s Heat when aksed when he’ll be after getting some furniture and an old lady in McAuley’s L.A. version of the cindominium ‘I get around / to it.’  Course today there was less vehicular traffic than usual of a WTFednesday mou®ning - ‘Captain who?’ Ellen Burstyn’s Chris McNeil cinfamously akses daughter Regan, played of course by Linda Blair in William Friedkin’s The Exorcist now, ‘Captain / Howdy’ Regan replies and it’s all downhill / from there -  outside the cindominium, as today is the day that the Three Amigos and titular heads of the NAFTA trade pact nations are in O-town , PET jr., Barack Obama, and the President of Mexico, god save us we give the Americans a hard time for being clueless innit god but for what’s left of the life of him, Cin doesn’t know / the Mexican President’s name.

 

Good times, good life, bad a®t, as much as he extols the vi®tues of the ©indominium and goes on and on and on about it, there’s not much quality sleep  to be had between the vehicular traffic only four floors down and the five major construction sites – he kids / you not, check / the home videos – all of which start with loud loud bangs every day of the week that has the word ‘day’ in it at 7 AM on / the dot, ‘my bed was shaking’ Regan McNeil says it better to mother Chris in this WTFednesday’s film ®eview, as ©aptain Howdy starts to take over, ‘I can’t / sleep.’

 

 ‘I don’t How Does It Feel’ Regan says it better in the film - only of course it’s just ‘feel’ – as the medical professionals try to M®I and ©atscan Captain Howdy out of her and do that one with the rubber hammer hitting you in / the funny bone trying to elicit / a reaction, ‘anything’, not How Does  It Feeling anything is all / she gots. 

 

Though The Exorcist was ‘assupossed to be on last night’s Te®rific Tuesday Take This Thing Back to Baltimore me-moirs and horro®eviews playlist, Cin passed out as usual three or four times while videeing it after an hour with his physiotherapist – ‘frenemy’ he gasped as she dug her  fingers into his fractured collarbone or tibula or god knows what combination of Things, innit god - and matter of fact woke this morning (better -id. ‘better’ Mr. Formaldyhyde says it better in Monty Python’s The Meaning of Life ‘better get / a bucket’) with the harrowing DVD splashscreen screenshot of Burstyn’s Chris McNeil’s anguished face as Chris Philip’s (oh please hooker -id. it was Mike Oldfield, of rock gods Genesis) jangling soundtrack tune ‘Bells’ played over and over and over and over (that’s enough -id.).

 

Good times ‘you fucking’ Regan spews it better to the doctor with quick hands in the movie, ‘asshole’.  Videeing The Exorcist twice in as many nights is probably w®ong for many reasons, probably w®ong for many reasons is all / we gots, but it was this dear readers, or one or the other of Francis Ford Coppola’s Bram Stoker’s Dracula and / or Kenneth Branagh’s Frankenstein, depending on what DVD falls first out the double jewel case DVD package that brought the films together into the cindominium for $9.99 when Blo©kbuster went tits / up, what DVD falls first out the double jewel case DVD package that brought the films together into the cindominium together for $9.99 when Blo©kbuster went tits / up is all / we gots. 

 

Course neither of these ©reature featu®es is bad - like the vampire ©ount Dracule, played deliciously in Coppola’s version by Gary Oldman, ‘I don’t drink’ is a line that Oldman’s Dracule delivers in the film, eyeing Keanu Reeve’s jugular, and Cin too resurrects this line whenever he can as one of the immortal counter-measures and lines of ludicrous dialogue required of ®egime Ze®o, ‘wine’ - they are in fact immortal as part of the permanent ©indominium DVD ©ollection, but ‘nothing’ Sinead O’Connor sings it better in her song of the same name, ‘compares / 2 U’ (what she was the original internet illiterate), and nothing compares with / The Exorcist.

 

‘You know who I think really did it ? ’ Jason Miller’s Father Carik akses it better in the film of L. Jee Cobb’s Georgetown detective, this before during and after the detective has given Father Carik the gears about who or what might have desecrated the local Catholic church, ‘the / Dominicans’, the / Dominicans is all / we gots.  Film is an artifact of another, better age of film-making from the ‘70s, back ‘in the 20^th’, innit monsieur debonaire, it’s among other Things a detective story as above, and a truly terrifying tale of possession, ‘do you know what she did’ Regan McNeil akses it better of her mother now, in her English from England-inflected Captain Howdy voice as her head does the cinfamous 180 degree turn, ‘your cunting / daughter ?’ 

 

Here’s the g®een slime, projectile-vomited as we do before during and after Father Karis akses Regan / ©aptain Howdy his mother’s maiden name, this after Regan / ©aptain Howdy tells Karis that ‘your mother’s in here / with us’ and Father Karis calls her / his bluff, calling her / his bluff is all / we gots.  Here’s Cobb’s detective in his car, videeing Father Karis leaving the McNeil’s Georgetown house after the aforementioned G®een Slime scene between Father Karis and Regan / ©aptain Howdy, the detective knows that the ©ock and bull story concocted by the McNeil household about the English director of the film within the film falling arseholed out Regan’s third floor window to his death earlier in the story is just that, a ©ock and bull story, a ©ock and bull story is all / we gots.

 

Wait, what, oh yeah, behold / the (s) / (f) / (b) / (c) logger.  He riseth up early in / the mourning (oh please hooker -id.), mighty are / his preparations.  After sweeping up before during and after the cats and the cats’ litter, innit Father Caris and ©aptain Howdy, you little / monsters, Cin brews one of his cinfamous ©uisina®t one-cup coffee cups, brewing one of his cinfamous ©uisina®t one-cup coffee cups is all we gots of / a mou®ning, ‘I prep a week’s worth at once’ Cin said it better to his namesake at work of his weekly ®outine of filling seven # 1 size coffee filters with coffee all at once and plaving them into a ziplo© container next to the ©uisinart, ‘otherwise it’s too / sad’, otherwise it’s too / sad is all / we gots.

 

Course there’s plenty of ‘sup between lisp / and cusp - ‘be silent’ Max von Syndow’’s Father Merrick says it better to Regan / Captain Howdy in the film before during and after after (s)he / it tells Father Merrick to ‘sitck your !%^^#$ in her @#$, you fucking $%^%-sucker’ (that’s enough -id.) – and even Cin’s horro®etail-therapied $120.00 ©uisinart one-cup coffee machine has its’ flaws, namely that despite having a 16-ounce reservoir for the water required for same, only a very funny-looking 16-ounce mug would fit under that thing that spews out / the brewed coffee, and Cin has to use and refill a glass mug to fill his own travelling coffee mug as the brewer / brews.

 

Good times, good / life, bad / a®t, half of the time he forgets all about it and the glass mug overflows, and his impatience with all things / mechanical along with it.  Still and all, it’s good / ©offee, good ©offee really is all / we gots because regime zero, this time / for ®eals, Cin can hardly wait until he gets to ®etail-therapy a bag of ©offee that’s still in bean form, so’s that he can use the ‘grind’ button on the ©uisinart, as well as the ‘brew’ button, up until now he has been pressing the latter exclusively - the will is strong but the flesh / is weak - unable as he has been up until now to resist the siren song of the St®bucks’ ba®ristas’ offers to ground up the coffee beans after he’s horro®etail-therapied / the same (that’s enough, -id.).

 

Course if your man the humble / humbled / humiliated (s) / (f) / (b) / (c)  logger and narrato® of this Take This Thing Back to Baltimore me-moirs and the will is strong but the flesh / is weak is still working of a mou®ning (that’s enough -id.) on a ©uppa from the night before, he may well elect to try to make it to the Sta®bucks ba®ristas located at his bus stop downtown on the way to work for some hot ©affeine loving, or barring that the Se©ond Cup down the street if the usual line-up at Sta®bucks is ten people and growing and / or the side door is locked for all others than ©ollege students with their beloved pass keys.

 

®egime Ze®o means a lot of things, mostly it means ©offee shop debit cards, and plenty / of them, ‘do you want me to help’ his physiotherapist and erstwhile f®enemy aksed him better yesterday after when Cin was after spilling the entirety of his wallet - cincluding his four ©offee cards from Se©ond Cup Bridgehead, Sta®bucks, and yes, Dunkin’ Donuts for his next trip / to the Boogie Down Bronx – all over the floor after ‘treatment’, she also aksed him if he wanted her to write down in his little book the date and time of his next ‘treatment’, Cin having forgotten all about the previous-to-last appointment altogether because he didn’t write it down ‘in his little book’, the second part of which was true, in fact Cin is about half-cinvinced that there was no previous-to-last appointment altogether / at all, because, well, it wasn’t written down in his little black / book, written down in his little black / book is all / we gots. 

 

Good times, there will be cold (ok warm, f®ee flog, this Se©ond Cup / The®mos brand 16-ounce travelling mug is the bomb when it comes to keeping things warm, if not fitting under the Cuisina®t one-cup spout) coffee to drink when / if he wakes up for tomorrow’s Thi®stday / mourning – and they never get any / more or any / less thirsty because Regime Zero - (he means ‘Thursday / morning’ I think -id. I can only pester / so much) as he is nearly falling over the keyboard now because tired, and his alarm’s buzzing cindicates that tonight’s Take This Thing Back to Baltimore me-moirs and one-cup spout two-hour (plus fifteen minutes for dart breaks) shift is now officially over, now officially over is all / we gots.

 

Thank you for reading (t)his Take This Thing Back to Balti-memoires and Captain Howdy